The Madness of a Cloud

Nicholas Katsafanas

The Legible Text

Triadic Mode: >.667

11,010:15,461 .712

Abstract : Cloud Strife spends a few days getting blackout drunk in 7th Heaven, vigorously discussing what he views as some of the central underpinnings of modern day Simulation Theory.  

The Nice Man with his Wife's Last Name's Form of Annihilation || Tifa’s Dream || Dinner & Drinks || Institutional Norms || The Memory of Capitalism || Yellow Flower Gossip || New Co-Op Cashier False Doppelganger Arguments

The Nice Man with his Wife’s Last Name’s

Form of Annihilation

Echoes: 1,859

Syllables: 2,546

Self-Similarity: .730

Cloud was sitting at Seventh Heaven

drinking a Fernet on the rocks

engaging in light conversation

with a cocksucker he’d never even met

about a Queen’s Blood play-in game

that he’d—this particular cocksucker—

requested to be put on the TV at the bar.

Well, actually Cloud corrected,

for the record,

that he’d actually been reading

a few pages of Timaeus

prior to all this,

making a few disparate notes,

finding himself puzzled at

the sensory information

that continued to be relayed into his brain.

Cloud basically alleged he was flummoxed

about the sensory information that became,

in some way, relayed

to what he guessed was his brain?—

how any of that was corroborated,

but more so Cloud contemplated

the static nature of said images—

that’s what he was specifically contemplating

when a guy with a round-ass face

leaned onto the bar,

seeking to close his tab,

obviously excited to tell the bartender

that he may need to show her his ID,

just because he took his wife’s last name

and hadn’t had a chance to change

his license yet?

The patron with the round-ass face

noted how nice the bartender was (Tifa!),

but what was her name again?

He could definitely display his ID

if she really needed,

just because, again,

his last name was different now—

taking his wife’s name and all!

Of course, Cloud noted,

that it was clear that no one gave a fuck

about the printed name on a credit card in that bar,

and Tifa, for her part,

didn’t exactly seem like she was ramping up

to suck this dude off

just because he was a radical feminist.

For Cloud’s part he was still, you know,

attempting to get behind the blunt sensations

being smuggled relentlessly

into his so-called conscious existence.

Everything was an image to some extent,

right Aerith?

Touch itself was a fucking sensory image.

It was a quaint Spring evening

where Cloud felt more or less

destined to philosophize,

having started drinking wine

in preparation for a Friday night dinner,

only to have Tifa bail last minute,

because she needed to pick up a bar shift—

leaving him completely free

to continue this wine drinking

in a ritualistic way

that would be conducive

to philosophical ideas.

Yes, Cloud continued to Aerith,

it was basically only via drinking alone,

but in a ritualistic fashion,

that he’d achieved any sort

of philosophical inquiry.

You couldn’t just sit at a desk

and "become philosophical",

at least not for Cloud!

Maybe some people could!

But, no, not Cloud.

He’d imagine that there were probably

a litany of possible ways

of becoming philosophical—

like, for instance,

for the round-faced albino chap,

perhaps telling Tifa

that he’d taken his wife’s last name,

maybe that could be seen

as possibly ritualistic in a way,

a gateway to some sort of

becoming philosophical.

This was "actually science",

Cloud told her he thought at the bar,

successfully avoiding making any eye contact

with the round-faced man.

Was it necessarily strange at all

that once the Greeks went extinct

philosophy went more or less

completely and utterly downhill

and never looked back in the least,

that the last group to really reach

much of any philosophical success

made a sincere effort to conjoin

getting fucked up with

contemplating intelligible phenomena?—

that these Greeks attempted

to marry inebriation and rigorous dialectic?

That all thought since—

to paraphrase North Whitehead—

had been a minor footnote to Plato or whatever?

The thing was, according to Cloud,

you just couldn’t willy nilly

"delve into metaphysics"

completely sober!

But that wasn’t to say a person

should necessarily become some

degenerate alcoholic either,

because a degenerate drunk

would in no way make a great meta-physicist either—

that was basically impossible, because,

like Cloud said,

the solo mode of inebriation

should be done ritualistically,

in spurts, at certain times.

You couldn’t just be like

hitting the bottle

as soon as you woke from a slumber!—

after said inebriation sessions

you’d require sobriety

to parse through whatever it was

that came to you

via said contemplation, no?

In fact, the actual science

was nothing beyond this parsing through

of inebriation sessions

of rigorous contemplation!

That was it—

what laid behind logic and metaphysics,

in Cloud’s mind at least!

But inebriation could be anything really—

Cloud could enter a state of inebriation

in a car alone on a Tuesday AM,

without consuming a damn thing.

Aerith more or less agreed,

adding that on the one hand

a philosophical mind

should be able to analyze,

interpret, extrapolate,

all of that scientific stuff—but,

on the other,

if you fail to place yourself

in a position to receive anything to analyze,

interpret, or extrapolate

then you were basically screwed!

Cloud more or less agreed

but added that—sans this type of

“inspiration,” so to speak—

they’d be stuck sitting

at a table just noodling

around nonsensically,

vacillating back and forth

between two types of nothingness,

and then just probably knocking off

someone else’s work by accident.

But none of this was new!

It wasn’t like Cloud was breaking news

in any way.

At this point Aerith asked—you know,

was this albino douche bag,

he was an element of this analysis?

No, not really—according to Cloud—

maybe the guy was trying a tad too hard?—

to present himself

as a specific archetype

to the general public,

as a guy who decided

to spit in the face

of his own chromosome count,

which was something Cloud

"personally endorsed!"

Granted Cloud probably

wouldn’t do it by taking his wife’s last name,

because Cloud personally

was obviously more prone

to a type of isolated

and overly dramatic

self-annihilation

than a subservient

and disingenuously muted

feminist annihilation,

but he wasn’t ipso facto

opposed to either!

Aerith agreed

one hundred percent!

But Cloud still would go

a little further,

noting that in the intelligible sphere,

as someone like,

say, Proclus would note,

that so-called forms

were somehow able

to participate in one another

without mixing,

whereas within the sensible realm

they participated in things

and subsequently got dirty.

But Cloud thought that it was worth

going one step further—

since they were discussing

annihilation and stuff anyway,

that the perceived mixing

between forms that took place

in the sensible arena

was itself just a projection

of mixture but not actual mixture.

The intelligible sphere,

being purely emanated,

participated within itself

without mixing itself,

while in the sensible sphere

it didn’t seem like that was possible,

that by participating

within sensible things

they became essentially mixed

with them,

assuming they were categorically sensible.

Essentially nature was tainted,

which of course

Cloud and Aerith knew all too well!

Way too well!

Hence their shared acquiescence

toward occasional annihilation!

But even this sensible filth,

so to speak,

Cloud thought,

this perceived mixing up

in the participation of sensible things,

wasn’t it also a projection?—

an emanation,

just as the participation

of the intelligible sphere

was also an emanation

of the primary unity of all things?

Which, yeah, brought Cloud back

to that albino round-faced fuck

at the bar,

taking his wife’s last name—

because ultimately

the albino’s vantage point

wasn’t remarkably divergent

from Cloud’s or Aerith’s,

Cloud thought.

This albino was promoting

a certain type of annihilation

of their cultural-sensible realm,

thinking that the patriarchal lineage

of their society was basically

something objectionable,

something essentially tainted,

that should be annihilated

in the service of something more pure.

Okay, well, Cloud thought

that made a modicum of sense!

Maybe taking his wife’s last name

was in a sense a greater form

of purity than locking a woman

in a kitchen and expecting

a blowjob every other evening,

Cloud thought.

Just as Proclus and Socrates

sensed that the intelligible sphere

participated with itself

yet not in a way

where it mixed with itself,

that this was distinct

from our further descended,

sensible sphere

where things participated with

one another but got mixed up

in the process—well,

maybe this albino man

was noting that the patriarchy

was a participatory mixing

that left unseemly cum stains—

"for lack of a better phrase!"—

on human experience.

Patriarchy, in the albino man’s mind,

should be annihilated

because of this sensible mixing up,

this putrid tainting

of what would be better off pure.

And taking your nice wife’s name

was a proper mode

of annihilation in response.

Aerith remarked that she knew

Cloud would inevitably bring

the discourse back to this poor chap

closing his tab,

but, just to be clear,

what Cloud was saying was that

this mixing that occurred

in the sensible realm was itself

just a separate projection—

just a lesser mode of projecting!

So while the material world

may have disgusted them,

perhaps moving the two toward

some sort of all-encompassing

conceptual annihilation,

and as much as the patriarchy

might have seemed putrid

to the albino husband at the bar

who looked to annihilate himself

by taking his nice wife’s last name,

it could be wise to consider

that these disgusting aggregates

were themselves simply derivative projections,

that they weren’t actual mixtures,

that they were just derivative emanations

as opposed to tattoos

of what they thought they despised.

Aerith was aware—

she wasn’t distressed about it,

but she knew this poor albino guy

would in time

take the brunt of it from Cloud.

Cloud questioned whether he didn’t deserve it?

Plus like they’d already implied—

they must to proceed

from the immanent

to the transcendent, no?

Tifa’s Dream

Echoes: 2,174

Syllables: 3,037

Self-Similarity: .716

Cloud found it a tad befuddling,

just because

Tifa said she’d had an odd dream

about him the previous night,

and he’d replied bluntly

that he "didn’t usually have dreams

about people he knew",

somehow completely purging the fact

from his mind that,

just that night,

he’d had a vivid dream

involving one of his first girlfriends

and her current

(to the best of Cloud’s knowledge) spouse.

How could that have possibly

slipped his memory,

given the vivacity of the dream itself?

Barrett didn’t have a clue either, really.

His ex and her husband

were living with Cloud

and his fictional wife

in a modest condo

they’d been leasing

in Upper Midgar,

yet he told Tifa he "never dreamt"

about people he knew,

yet perhaps the most befuddling aspect

of it was that when he’d said that

to her he actually believed it!

Cloud’s ex-girlfriend

and his fictional wife

had become somewhat friendly

in the dream, in the condo,

and the whole ordeal—in Cloud’s dream—

struck him as totally fine initially.

His fictional wife was obscured,

a pure mirage,

while his ex was an image

of how he’d known her in the past,

not how she was now

(not that he knew how she was now!),

but eventually Cloud began to come

to the realization that this was his

ex-romantic interest,

and that his current wife

and ex-girlfriend becoming friends

was an absolutely

"cataclysmic development"

for him socially,

that it was probably

the worst thing that could possibly

happen to his marriage.

He wondered what the husband

of his ex was thinking—

Cloud was wondering

how it was exactly

that he got roped into this whole thing

as he was exiting

this apartment into

an Upper Midgar that, of course,

wasn’t exactly Upper Midgar at all!—

yet only hours later when

Tifa told Cloud she’d had a dream

with him in it that night

he claimed to never dream

about people he knew.

Odd! Barrett noted that he just did, though,

right? That his statement to Tifa

was false, no?

Um, yeah, that’s exactly

what Cloud just said!

Cloud reiterated that it was

"literally that night"

that he’d had the dream,

further emphasizing the absurdity

of his statement to Tifa.

Maybe, Cloud thought,

it was closer to a coincidence

than an acute misremembering

or forgetting? Was that possible?

Memory was elliptical sometimes.

But in any case,

he told Barrett he’d had another

dream recently—if Barrett was

by any chance interested

in listening to more

"bullshit about his dream states?"—

where Cloud had discovered a glowing,

fluorescent insect

in one of the drawers

on a screened-in patio

that didn’t exist in so-called "real life",

and Cloud tossed the fucking thing

outside onto the grass,

kind of disgusted by it to be honest,

only to discover

that same insect

just a few moments later—

but now appearing in a humanoid form,

standing outside the screened-in patio,

hoping to be let in.

Now, in the dream

there was a little get-together

on this patio,

so Cloud was a little wary

of letting this being—

who was female, to be clear—

into the party, but curiously

everyone else at the pow-wow

seemed totally incapable

of perceiving her, even after

Cloud allowed her in?

Yes, Cloud allowed her in

and the form of communication

between himself and the entity

was simply a series of

"vague feelings",

perhaps, he thought,

this was some kind of reminder

that you couldn’t just, you know,

create things—

that refreshing syntheses

are the best we could do?

With that said,

they started copulating on the patio.

Barrett wanted to clarify

that it was the butterfly woman

that Cloud was fucking?

Or whatever she was?

Well, Cloud noted, only

when she became a human being,

of some sort,

that that was when

the copulation occurred, obviously!

But, with that said,

it was actually (kind of?)

intriguing to Barrett, to be honest?

But, more importantly,

Cloud really wanted to know

how Seventh Heaven

was last night,

because Barrett stopped by there, didn’t he?

How was it?

Well. Let’s see.

Barrett definitely

felt the purity of the booze expand

within his chest upon his first sip,

and while the bartender

(obviously not Tifa,

but he didn’t catch her name)

was slightly more affable

than when he went there with Cloud,

but she didn’t actually ask

what fruit he wanted in the drink.

Sitting alone at Seventh Heaven

Barrett took note of himself

tossing the single orange slice

onto his thin, now immediately moist

napkin and manually extracting

the single seed

that had been expelled

from the orange into the liquor

from the glass,

and in doing so,

he noted

that all that he’d accounted for at the bar—

the affability, the fruit, the seed—

that extracting those ideas

out of the air was basically the same

as the "coordinate-tracking"

reported by remote viewers.

He glanced back at the bar

and took brief note of the bartender

chugging a shot of booze

with a customer

and was violently

smacked in the face

with an acute memory

of ripping similar shots

with a specific bartender

from his past,

which was basically

just another set of coordinates,

but these particular coordinates

returned to him,

he didn’t pluck them

out of the air.

He didn’t pluck these ripping shots

with a bartender coordinates

from a rapid rush of information—

no, said coordinates returned to him

as he sat in solitude

at the bar totally involuntarily,

violently smacking Barret

in the fucking face

and somewhat rudely

collapsing time itself in the process,

right as Barrett sat at that tiny table

alone, innocently sipping his drink

in Seventh Heaven.

Barrett then went on to tell Cloud how,

before the bar,

he’d seen a bunch of people

with Mako poisoning

that he hadn’t seen in months,

and Cloud noted

that’s how they knew Spring

was approaching, right?!

Yet, on that note,

it was kind of funny because Cloud

was actually thinking to himself

the other day—

what was the

"exact definition of sobriety"

anyway—like how could they actually

"distinguish sobriety from intoxication?"

Barrett perked up a bit.

Cloud made it clear that, no,

he wasn’t necessarily

like talking about smoking crack,

or exposing yourself

to high intensity mako shards

for decades on end,

but maybe just drinking white wine

or something?

Because Cloud was crossing

the Washington Street bridge

contemplating a particular vision

of indivisible Oneness

the other night,

as Barrett knew too well

that Cloud was apt to do

from time to time,

and believe it or not

he was actually discovering

a decent amount of enjoyment

in the material world at the time!—

drinking a mini water bottle

filled with Mezcal,

but also attempting to gauge

whether he’d have the time to grab

just one more beer before

Tifa was supposed to be at his apartment.

Cloud was contemplating

the nature of an indivisible Oneness,

but he was also comforted

by the material realm

while coldly calculating

his odds of being able

to chug another beer

while still making it back

to his apartment before

Tifa was supposed to arrive.

And as Cloud was contemplating

this nature of an indivisible Oneness,

crossing a Washington Street bridge,

drinking Mezcal from a mini water bottle

Cloud remarked to Barrett

how he’d started to question

this very definition of sobriety.

But it was here Barrett began to question—

well—what did Cloud actually mean by that?

Well, what Cloud was trying to get at,

Barrett, was that sobriety itself

was supposed to be a baseline of sorts, no?

Of course it was!

Yet how could

they measure this baseline

exactly?—was there a

measurement at all?—

was sobriety to be defined

by a lack of passion,

or a vague sense of the “even-keeled”?

But the problem was,

in Cloud’s mind at least,

that there was no universal

emotional baseline

with which to define sobriety.

Some people—he meant,

even Cloud himself

could be totally unhinged

emotionally on occasion

while quote-unquote

“completely sober”!

Furthermore, even if they—

Barrett and Cloud—could define

some baseline emotional status

as axiomatic,

then they would still have to combat

philosophically with external substances

that weren’t considered

intoxicants

that would obviously shift

this emotional baseline.

What did Cloud mean?

Well, like, a lack of food

could alter mood.

The same could be said

of caffeine!

Consuming dirt

would probably shift someone’s

emotional state.

Historically, according to Cloud,

people ate fucking plants

with small doses of

psychedelics embedded within them

and probably thought

very little about

"intoxication" proper!"

People used to fucking sanitize water

with alcohol!

Smoking tobacco altered mood.

Basically, Barrett,

"anything we ingest

alters our latent state

of existence and therefore

changes us in some form

or another, which in most all cases

probably filters into our mood."

Cloud noted,

for him personally,

a shift in his diet could do wonders

for his intellectual disposition—

so then what was sobriety?

It seemed impossible to even think

about sobriety as a thing at all!

Well, Barrett hadn’t exactly

considered it like that

and wasn’t sure if he would.

But Cloud thought that maybe

they’d taken a false baseline

of sobriety conceptually, no?

After all, what technically

was an external substance?

Could they dig even further

and consider the definition

of an external substance?

A conversation could certainly

alter a person’s temperament

exponentially as well!—

but did that technically

count as an exogenous substance?

Did words not carry weight?

A vociferous thought

or even a fleeting memory—

especially in Cloud’s case!—

could often toss a person completely

off-kilter, yet they still

for some incomprehensible reason

clung to an idea

of an objective sobriety,

and then they subsequently

targeted select substances

as intoxicating,

while deeming so-called

"other" substances—

which also altered temperaments—

as totally fine!

Well,

this was what Cloud was thinking at least,

as he walked over the Washington Street

bridge—that if people didn’t

view consuming fresh vegetables

as something fundamentally

mind altering,

then it was possible,

in Cloud’s mind,

that they just experienced

the world in vastly different ways,

and Barrett for his part

found this to be

intriguing yet unconvincing,

but Cloud insisted

that there simply

was no true and extended stability

of our mental states—

even if they were hypothetically

deprived of external tinkering,

because even thought itself

was fundamentally external

to some extent, was it not?

And people on average

were constantly accosted

by specific thoughts,

were they not?

Thought almost never ceased

accosting these people,

which were all people?

And even if they confined themselves

to commonly agreed upon

material substances,

then there was still no consistent way

to calculate the degree

of alteration to a mental state

across people of different walks

of life, period.

Barrett might not experience

the same mental shift

after the consumption

of a fresh stick of celery

that Cloud would,

even if the celery itself

remained entirely static.

Walking across the

Washington Street bridge,

Cloud drank from a tiny water bottle

filled with Mezcal

and didn’t feel intoxicated

in any way, shape, or form—

any more than had he been

drinking a cup of coffee,

or eating a delicious snack,

or receiving a specific thought.

In his mind at the time

there was no true division

between intoxication and sobriety,

and this was Cloud’s final conclusion—

regardless of whether or not

Barrett agreed—as he

somewhat anxiously sent

Tifa a text message

letting her know he was

"taking a walk", just in case

she arrived at his apartment

before he finished

slugging down one last beer

at the bar that he was walking to.

Dinner & Drinks

Echoes: 1,403

Syllables: 1,994

Self-Similarity: .704

“Well, no,” were the two words

Cloud began with as he explained

that his point was that

there was a significant distinction

between the two,

meaning dinner and drinks!—

that if you make it out like

it’s "just drinks"

and then last minute

it becomes dinner?—

then yeah Cloud’s gonna be

a little fucking pissed off!

Especially if he didn’t know

the fucking people, you know Aerith?

How did that make

any sense?

He found it a bit absurd,

frankly.

Sure,

he’d go tie one or two on

with a total stranger, that was fine,

but to sit down and actually

engage in a dinner?—

that was an entirely distinct level

of socializing,

and it was one that, frankly,

Cloud didn’t particularly care for.

And he wasn’t ashamed to admit it!—

that, frankly, he felt this Philistine notion

of just "going out to dinner"

with any and every acquaintance,

that if you didn’t acquiesce to that

standard then you would be deemed, what?—

anti-social?

Well color Cloud anti-social then!

But Aerith noted that while, sure,

to be fair, it was a different level

of socialization,

if he truly didn’t know the people,

but, you know,

if it was her personally?

Supposing it was Aerith,

then she’d hope that it wouldn’t be

that big of a deal to Cloud?

To just go out to dinner?

Was she kidding him?!

Oh, of course not, Aerith! With her?

You fucking kidding?

Cloud was always down

to grab a nosh with someone like her,

no, it was just that the

hypothetical notion

of eating supper

with a complete stranger

(“a more or less complete stranger”)—

what were they discussing?

Cloud and the hypothetical stranger?

Did he have to come prepared

with a portfolio of talking points?—

Cloud couldn’t imagine that

they’d be super intrigued

with anything he had to say,

or that they’d end up

on the precipice of any revelation

that he’d conclude to be

particularly enlightening either.

Cloud was simply

going by empirical evidence really.

That was all—he wasn’t, like,

trying to be a dick or anything!

Just that, empirically speaking,

it seemed unlikely

they’d have a lot to converse about,

Cloud and this hypothetical stranger.

But Aerith added that,

to be fair, wasn’t Cloud

the one who was always railing

against so-called sensory data?

Yet, in this case,

he was all bent out of shape

about this impromptu dinner

because, in his own words,

because of empirical data?

Of past experience,

which was sensory data?

Memories, right?

Which, wouldn’t Cloud agree,

was some of the most

unreliable data available no?

Of course he did! Aerith,

even fucking quantum physics

was still fundamentally

sense-forward, in the sense

that they were beginning with

sense perception—

this was what contemporary

so-called science

had achieved of course!

Placing sense perception

as an apex predator

until finally, with the discovery

of quantum physics,

it’d reduced the observable world

to a degree that even linear

sense-perception no longer

made any fucking sense

in the upper worlds!

That was what they’d done,

and quite smugly at times too!—

but wasn’t that what Cloud was doing

with this impending dinner?

Aerith queried him on this point.

Well, Cloud supposed that,

thinking about it again, yeah,

he was kind of acting like a

quantum physicist a bit, wasn’t he?

Well, Aerith was just saying—

to the extent that his argument was

fundamentally empirical,

but it was kind of intuitive

in a sense too, his argument,

in Cloud’s opinion.

He agreed with Aerith

to the extent that, yes,

he was basing his disgust

partially on empirical evidence,

but he’d also allege

that he felt an intuitive disgust

with these types of social gatherings

as well, and then he,

to her point, to be blunt,

did tend to dip into the world

of empiricism to validate

said intuitive disgust.

Although, technically,

they should probably be

a little cautious to even employ

the word empiricism here,

because he didn’t think empiricism

necessarily needed to be

restricted to sense-perception

necessarily, you know?

Aerith supposed there, yes,

was probably an empiricism

of the intelligible realm as well?

Honestly, to Cloud—

it was certainly possible

that he maybe wasn’t even

in the best mind state to even

assess it one way or another.

Aerith took advantage of this

capitulation to say

she’d recently had a dream

about Cloud—

would he mind hearing her out?—

where he was emailing her a

question about

whether a specific action

was defined as

‘insider trading’, while she was

processing some non-descript

‘orders’ for something

in a bath tub,

which consisted of,

for some reason,

washing large chocolate cookies

down the drain,

watching them

as they slowly disintegrated

under the hot water, then,

after that, realizing that

the cookies related to

Cloud’s question

about insider trading,

she contemplated

if she should have flushed them

all down the drain

before answering the question?

Did she do wrong by Cloud

by washing these cookies

preemptively down the drain?

If Cloud truly wanted

the "order processed", so to speak.

In a sense Aerith

felt an affinity for the cookies,

didn’t she, Cloud inferred.

Cloud postulated that she felt like

they were actual beings

as she crumbled them

down the unforgiving drain

with the scorching hot water?

In retrospect, Aerith admitted

that that may have been the case.

Cloud noted that there

was a certain "level of gnosis"

achieved through

contemplating your dreams—

yet was there any to be gleaned

from participating

in double date dinners?

Aerith admitted she’d been clinging

onto the fact of the cookies

being washed down the drain,

and she knew Cloud

had a particular talent

when it came to interpreting dreams.

Well then let’s see here,

Cloud contemplated,

the dissolution of a sweet food

in an apparatus usually used

to clean yourself?

But with a transactional,

abutting capitalist

undertone.

And Aerith was doing it,

perhaps unintentionally,

for someone else (Cloud),

without their knowledge,

and not only

without their knowledge

but while ignoring their inquiry—

actually, Cloud guessed

it was his inquiry technically,

about whether it was legal,

as apparently

this was somehow potentially

‘insider trading’?

So she was repurposing

an apparatus

for cleansing the body

to destroy large, life-like

pieces of unhealthy food

for Cloud, without his consent,

Cloud meanwhile wondering

if destroying this junk food

in a bath tub

was actually illegal?

Of course in any dream

they also should consider

whether what was represented

was a representation

of another representation,

meaning maybe not

an analogy at all?

But if they proceeded

as if what was represented

in Aerith’s dream appeared

as it was intended to appear,

then that would be a decent start.

So, in a sense,

Aerith thought,

that she was cleaning

particular attributes of Cloud

without his permission,

while Cloud was thinking—

perhaps suspecting—

that cleansing himself

in this way may have actually

been a type of insider trading,

it could have been

a very serious crime.

Cloud noted that—Aerith,

cleaning yourself was

"basically a crime

against the state these days".

No surprise there!

Although Cloud liked

a nice cookie every now and then,

he didn’t necessarily

find anything

that bad about

eating a few cookies on occasion,

but Cloud also found it

intriguing that Aerith personally

identified with the cookies

as they broke apart

and tumbled down the drain,

that she saw a certain goodness,

a specific being within them,

and subsequently felt

a sadness at the fact

they had to be washed

down the drain of this bath tub.

Even what’s fundamentally

bad for you

isn’t necessarily bad,

Aerith noted.

But yes, it was sad to see

them fall apart

in a bath tub faucet, huh?

"Even the running shoes

you need to toss into the trash

are eternal," Cloud said.

Institutional Norms

Echoes: 1,332

Syllables: 1,960

Self-Similarity: .680

Cloud was for sure fine

with whatever Tifa wanted

to say to him

("I always want you to speak

your mind!"), but he just wasn’t

going to back off

his well-developed

(in his mind) idea

that the institution itself

(as a concept)

was basically restrictive,

that they shouldn’t

necessarily care

what’s there in the container

("Category theory!"),

but also that

"eros was a gateway".

Tifa just wasn’t certain

that engaging in that

in the bar, after hours—

she didn’t know, was that

actually appropriate, Cloud?

Even if she wanted to do it!

In the bar?!

Of course,

Cloud totally understood,

but, again—just to reiterate—

"eros was a gateway".

It didn’t have to be about,

you know, purely that.

What?—was Tifa now gonna allow

herself to be tyrannically restrained

by the institutional norms of Shinra, et al?

Was that now how

she was gonna live her life?—

by the contemptuous rules of Shinra?

She could "pop that pussy wide open"

whenever she wanted to!—

if she really wanted to,

even if it was just super quickly!

(What exactly was

the temperature in the room?)

There wasn’t anything inherently

out of bounds about

any of that, assuming

the correct context, because—

well, no, Cloud wasn’t saying

he was in support of

indiscriminate promiscuity—

no, not at all!

It needed to be

rigorous—perhaps "even ritualistic",

and he wasn’t even suggesting

Tifa should ipso facto

just quote-unquote

pop that pussy open

to spite the moral norms of Shinra—

it was actually the opposite!

No, Cloud was simply asserting

she "shouldn’t not make" beautiful love

in Seventh Heaven simply because

of some societal Shinra code—

she shouldn’t allow herself, Tifa,

to be regulated by

an institutional entity

whose primary purpose

was the employment

of the universal restriction.

To Cloud it wasn’t in any way, shape,

or form Shinra’s place

to enforce

any universal restrictions

whatsoever.

Fuck Shinra specifically

and fuck the institution

in a more generic sense.

Ugh, shut up Cloud!

He was kidding, wasn’t he?

Oh yeah!—Cloud admitted it

was certainly possible

he was exaggerating certain elements

of his argument intentionally,

in terms of the whole—

well, "you know"—no,

he wasn’t suggesting

Tifa should "pop that pussy"

in the bar!

No, that was absurd!

Unless she wanted to!

Because if she wanted to Tifa

should know that Cloud took no

offense, like, at all!

They both laughed at themselves,

but didn’t he, Cloud,

in the abstract

kind of have a point?

No, just listen for a second,

Cloud said, please Tifa—

he knew she felt an anxiety,

from time to time,

and according to Cloud

it was actually entirely possible

that it was the anxiety

of the younger Socrates.

Namely, it was this anxiety

that Tifa, she felt like

she might have fallen

into a pit of "bottomless nonsense"—

this idea that there could be

an "actual conceptual idea"

behind all phenomena

that had ever occurred,

that every action she took

had some "capital-I" Idea

behind or above it,

that every single sensory perception,

every single moment

of their lives emerged

from some conceptual Idea

behind it, that ideas themselves

became sub-atomic particles

which become multiplied

into an infinite (“seeming!”) nonsense.

It was an extreme vertigo

to experience that

without a doubt!—

and Cloud was all too familiar

with that type of madness himself!

In fact, his entire experience in the ether,

so to speak,

was fundamentally in agreement

with this anxiety of young Socrates.

But what Cloud would say in response,

to Tifa, to himself, to Socrates—

what Cloud would say in reply

is exactly what Parmenides said

to this young Socrates himself,

that this anxiety was an anxiety

of youth ("Cloud,

we’re basically the exact same age . . ."),

one that would be extinguished

when she’d

"learned not to despise

any of these things".

In short, Tifa shouldn’t allow

Shinra mores—or, frankly,

institutional mores from anywhere else

for that matter!—

to interfere with her own processes,

that was all Cloud

was saying really.

If Tifa wanted to do that at

Seventh Heaven, then, sure,

that was fine!

Well, Tifa appreciated the kind words,

even if it was

an awkward subject for Cloud

of all people to be broaching,

given the fact that

it was kind of blatantly obvious

that it was Cloud

that Tifa would probably do that

with in the bar.

Why would they

kid one another about that!

But for Cloud’s part—no,

he didn’t care one way or the other—

he just thought that

when someone spent

a decent chunk of time in the ether

that it changed their perspective

on that kind of shit—

what conclusion, after all,

should they draw

from the "contemplation

of sensible objects"?

If she wanted to bend over

in her own bar,

it wasn’t philosophically

out of bounds to him

in the least.

Like he said,

to some extent

"eros was a gateway"—

they shouldn’t view it simply

organically or purely sensibly

even if it was to some extent

existent inextricably

within those realms,

at least from their perspectives

in their bodies or whatever.

A gateway to what though,

Tifa wondered.

To a different type of knowledge

Cloud confirmed.

Wasn’t he against sensual empiricism,

Tifa queried—but Cloud quickly

countered that it was

by amplifying

the sensory experience,

by speeding it up

that the sensory experience itself

was transcended—

that was the whole gateway part.

Again, Cloud wasn’t

arguing for any of this indiscriminately!—

he was instead making the case

that these amplifications

couldn’t be completely cut off!—

that if "other bitter and bilious humors

wander about in the body

and find no exit or escape,

but are pent up within and mingle

their own vapors with the motions

of the soul,

and are blended with them,

they produce

all sorts of diseases".

That just like particles of matter

could be sped up to create

anti-gravitational waves,

the sensory organs could be

similarly sped up in order

to transcend themselves,

basically.

Cloud made

a decent point,

but had he heard back

from Biggs and Wedge—

were they going to make it

to the little thing Tifa

was hosting that Sunday?

She just needed to, you know,

get a definite head count

so she could know

how much food she’d need.

Cloud hadn’t heard back,

and frankly he was finding it

a little ridiculous at that point—

because at the very least,

to Cloud,

they could at least RSVP

one way or the other.

Sure, of course,

eros was a gateway—

there couldn’t be

a totally universal restriction

oppressing every single member

of a society,

but at the same time

if a person couldn’t RSVP

to an event

they basically should start

eating mud out of troughs with pigs,

in Cloud’s view at least!

People who refused to RSVP

to events in a timely manner

really had no place in polite society!—

or, for that matter,

in any society!

That was Cloud’s perspective

at least! And Tifa agreed!

Frankly, she was getting a little frustrated

with the whole process.

She was, in her mind,

doing a nice thing—

throwing an Avalanche quote-unquote

Sunday Funday, but she just needed to know

a head count ASAP.

It was already Wednesday night!

Cloud noted that they’d

sent out the invitations,

like, two weeks back,

and they hadn’t even heard back

from half of the potential attendees,

which actually moved Cloud

to think that maybe Tifa

should just cancel

the whole damn thing!

But, no, Tifa was right—

it was too late to cancel,

because then "she’d look like the asshole".

Cloud thought that

maybe that was preferable!

Maybe that’s what needed to happen!

There needed to be

some rules to this shit, right?

The Memory of Capitalism

Echoes: 1,768

Syllables: 2,478

Self-Similarity: .713

Cloud asked Barrett point blank

right in Seventh Heaven:

What "was capitalism" really?—

because that’s what he was

actually philosophically opposed

to vis-a-vis Shinra, no?

The mass production of mako

energy—was that not fundamentally

just free market capitalism at its finest?—

and therefore wasn’t capitalism

just fundamentally

a singularity of sorts,

just a complete evisceration

of memory,

to the extent that

memory is the context

in which we construct ourselves,

our societies?

Cloud asserted that capitalism

didn’t give a fuck about that at all!—

simply because

capitalism couldn’t,

because if capitalism didn’t

ruthlessly pursue maximum profits,

then someone else would.

Cloud eventually asked Barrett

if capitalism actually

consisted of memory at all?

But Barrett didn’t fucking know.

The fuck did he even care—

he was attempting to make

an active difference in things.

No, it didn’t at all, did it?

Capitalism was the singular focus sans

memory par excellence—

it sought an increase

at whatever the cost,

regardless of the context—

driven by the hypothetical other,

the hypothetical other

moving capitalism to completely ignore

memory holistically,

the only context in which capitalism

would even remotely consider memory

was in its future forecasts,

but even those types of reports

were fundamentally myopic in character,

weren’t they?

Plus "past performance

isn’t indicative of future results!"—

and even a five year forecast

would basically just cover

the attention span of a beta fish

in the grand scheme of things.

No, Cloud said,

capitalism clearly operated

sans memory, as a singularity—

and therefore was fundamentally

an agent of destabilization

from a political standpoint—

he was agreeing with Barrett!

Barrett wasn’t seeking agreement

when Cloud then asked

if there wasn’t also something abutting

divine to that type of singularity—

to Cloud it was almost like

the radiation poisoning of pure mako

itself and shit, no?

Capitalism as a singularity contained

a divine element,

in its radical rejection of memory

capitalism was certainly divine-adjacent.

It was like capitalism as an unfettered

seeking of increase

of expansion

was in itself something

worthy of praise in the abstract,

but for an actual sensible society

the "employment of unrepentant capitalism"

was the most "destabilizing and self-destructive"

political philosophy

you could ever subscribe to!

Capitalism was magnificent in the abstract,

but if you actually subscribed

to the theory in practice

then you would almost definitely,

in due time,

totally destroy yourself

and everything around you!

Ultimately, Barrett reiterated that he didn’t really

have a ton of time to discuss

these types of details—

philosophical discussions wouldn’t,

after all, fundamentally alter

the rapid environmental destruction

that was ongoing at the hands of Shinra!

Cloud didn’t disagree,

yet, at the same time,

weren’t the two of them

at Seventh Heaven drinking fucking beers?

How many draft beers

had they drank at that point?

They weren’t gonna slow down Shinra’s

degradation of the planet

via consuming draft beers either!

Shit, bro. It was like—

Cloud actually woke up that morning

thinking about memory—

not capitalism,

but memory at least—

about how he could be himself

across multiple platforms and shit,

but how, with that in mind,

memory perhaps

wasn’t "attached

to Being itself either".

Cloud was always concurrently

multiple iterations of himself,

and he to some extent

partook in Being

across those iterations,

but at the same time—

the thought occurred to Cloud

that memory wasn’t necessarily

attached to Being

at all times either?

Being and memory—

what was their exact relationship?

That the soul could fundamentally

be eternal,

but if its being

was disassociated from memory

as we understood it

then obviously

it would kind of be difficult to verify!—

as we tend to confirm experiences

via memory and shit.

Barrett gulped down his eighth pint of Midgar Light,

but that didn’t deter Cloud

from prodding further at the point—

namely, that fundamentally

capitalism contained no memory,

and Being itself

perhaps only partially partook

in memory?

Was capitalism a form of being? No,

it couldn’t be!—not unless

they took a static vantage point

on an infinite urge

to increase and expand,

which, to some extent,

wasn’t that the drive of the infinite,

which was fundamentally

the transcendent,

which was—no Being couldn’t be

transcendent, not totally, right?

Cloud didn’t think so.

Barrett had had enough

of this fucking shit!—

and he slammed his mug of Midgar Light

on the counter and moseyed

out the bar

(he’d heard about

"some new Queen’s Blood thing"

that was being introduced

to Sector Seven

that he wanted to try anyway).

Tifa took the opportunity

to ask Cloud if he’d had

any encounters with—you know?—

those ruthless apparitions

that seemed to be haunting him

intermittently since returning to Midgar?

Well, Cloud was after all

a "remade man"—

in more ways than one, but no? Why?

Who else around the slums

had seen them recently?

It was weird to Cloud,

a little curious,

he noted to Tifa,

mostly because it seemed like

sometimes (a) he’d see them,

yet sometimes (b) no,

he wouldn’t necessarily see them

but intuit them, but then other times—

like the other day—(c) the apparitions

would be everywhere for everyone to see,

and he’d whip out

his fucking Buster Sword

with Tifa by his side.

Tifa asked him to extrapolate

on the triad of a-b-c, if he could.

She clearly wanted to assist Cloud

in reaching the bottom of all of this,

so to speak.

Well, to Cloud, it was almost like

the Eleatics were correct all along—

that this type of phenomena—

where sometimes (a) he’d see them

and she wouldn’t,

sometimes (b) he wouldn’t even see them

but he’d feel them,

and then other times (c) they’d appear

to the public at large,

well, phenomena like that

basically undermined the entire idea

of empiricism via sense perception, no?

If sense perception

was something that they could reliably employ

as a first principle to gather data

and then arrive at conclusions

regarding the nature

of the corporeal world—

then shit like

what Cloud just described

couldn’t be possible, right?

Cloud asked how could it possibly?!

There had to be a separate first principle

they’d need to reference.

Also, he’d "switch to Fernet"

if that was okay with Tifa?

But the problem with this notion—

both he and Tifa agreed

(Tifa reluctantly agreed)—

was that (a) there was no evidence

that he saw them when others didn’t,

and (b) there was no evidence

even to himself that he felt them

when he didn’t see them.

Cloud could see them

and he’d be sure

that he saw them

even if Tifa didn’t—

he’d have an empirical data point

that he just couldn’t prove!—

but when Cloud simply felt himself

to be in communion with something formless

and incorporeal,

then even he couldn’t be sure,

from an empirical standpoint,

what it was he experienced,

because his experience lacked a form entirely—

he didn’t have a sense-based

empirical data point

to even prove to himself

that he experienced anything!

Tifa poured the Fernet

and said something about

wanting to believe Cloud.

At that point Cloud said,

hearkening back to the point

that previously caused Barret

to stomp out of the bar,

what was memory anyway?—

if not this type of communion

with a formless and incorporeal

experience like these ruthless

apparitions?

After all, he remembered

a boatload of shit that didn’t

necessarily have images attached!

A lot of his memories

were in fact formless feelings,

but then—like some of Cloud’s other

encounters—did indeed

contain images,

but they featured images

that only appeared to Cloud,

just like Tifa’s image-memories

only appeared to her!

So Cloud was of the "acute opinion"

that memories themselves

were to some extent

like these ruthless apparitions

he’d been experiencing?—

yet Tifa quickly corrected him,

aptly pointing out

that Cloud’s memories,

to the best of her knowledge,

had never swarmed around Seventh Heaven

and attacked innocent civilians?

He had to grant that as true!—

"but you know what I mean, Tifa".

She did.

Cloud’s memories were

similar to those ruthless apparitions

in terms of (a) and (b),

but not in terms of (c).

Cloud continued on to say,

sipping a fresh Fernet,

that the point more or less

remained, that while sure

memories were distinct,

these apparitions—

these unidentified flying apparitions,

they fundamentally undermined

the utility of our sense-perception,

which was something,

to Cloud’s original point,

that the Eleatics really emphasized.

Tifa acknowledged

Cloud’s point about memory—

she didn’t necessarily disagree with it

just because memories,

to the best of their knowledge,

never physically manifested themselves

in corporeal forms,

that it struck Tifa as basically true

that memory was a similar type

of experience,

something that they interacted with

sometimes via an image

that wasn’t sensible to anyone else,

and sometimes via a vague feeling

that they couldn’t even corroborate

themselves!—

even memory to some extent

completely undermined the idea

that our sensory faculties

were reliable instruments to use

to come to accurate conclusions

about what we perceive to be

the corporeal world.

Yellow Flower Gossip

Echoes: 1,247

Syllables: 1,707

Self-Similarity: .731

Cloud knew that of course

Aerith was suffering from this gnawing inkling

that, you know,

Cloud may have gone and given away the flower,

or perhaps that was a tad too strong a phrase—

maybe "passed along was a better way

to put it", that’s what Cloud postulated

at least, but in any case

he knew that Aerith knew

that he forwarded the flower, right?

But how did she come

to possess that knowledge exactly?—

could it have possibly been

via the under city whisper network?

Or did Aerith come to realize

Cloud gave the shit away

via some sort of divine intuition?

Basically, Cloud was attempting to ascertain

the source origin of Aerith’s knowledge—

was it opinion or intuition—

whereas Aerith was chiefly concerned

with the "implications of the knowledge itself".

She actually made it quite clear

that she wasn’t sure if Cloud’s prevarications

were really the point she was attempting to make

when she brought the whole flower

re-gifting up to Cloud—

that the issue at hand wasn’t,

perhaps, "how she obtained this particular knowledge",

but instead "whether or not

Cloud gave the flower away",

which to be fair she wasn’t,

like, offended by—

Aerith was just a little curious?

Who’d Cloud "forward it to" anyway?

Tifa, right? Of course it was Tifa,

which was totally fine!

They were actually friends!

But Cloud, if possible,

wanted to stay on this prior point—

this epistemological point—because

he thought there was a pretty important distinction

to be found there,

between knowing something via opinion—

because, for instance,

some Sector Six dipshit

was yapping his fucking gums in the slums—

or, by contrast,

becoming familiar

in a more pure fashion.

There was pure knowledge of things,

and then there was bullshit

you heard third hand from douchebags

in the Sector Six Slums.

Cloud felt like Aerith

probably knew via the former method—

could she confirm though?

Instead Aerith chose to posit

the radical notion that maybe

it could have been both?

Sure, Cloud thought that was possible

(he guessed . . .),

but he didn’t think so—

it was possible yet not probable—

in fact, Cloud felt like he knew that Aerith knew,

no, not via some whisper network,

no, not by opinion at all,

but instead by direct intuition,

and it just so happened that it was

by his own intuitive capabilities

that Cloud knew that Aerith knew

that he gave that very fucking flower away

via her own intuition,

not by any lurid rumor monger

frolicking shamelessly in the slums.

Were there any rumor mongers

frolicking shamelessly in the slums

though?

Spreading disinformation

about Cloud giving away flowers

to a plethora of women in Midgar!

No, that wasn’t the way

Aerith had accessed her knowledge—

not at all.

Anyway,

Aerith thought maybe

Cloud should consider thinking twice

before giving away flowers again.

That was all. Not that she

was particularly perturbed.

Not in the least actually!

But maybe Cloud could just,

hypothetically,

if a girl like her were

to "give him a beautiful yellow flower"

in the middle of Midgar,

maybe he should hold onto the thing!

Or at the very least

don’t go and give it

to some other fucking chick!

Was it really that difficult

to just continually keep a single flower

on your person?

Not that it was Aerith’s business anyway,

because clearly if Cloud wanted to gift the flower to Tifa—

sure that was fine,

it was totally his option

if that’s how he wanted

to go about it, but didn’t Cloud think

it was just a little rude?

No, instead he thought

that there was a notable distinction

between the two types of knowledge,

but if Aerith did so happen to hear

it in the street,

then would she be willing to tell Cloud

who was flapping their lips?

Was anyone out in the slums

specifically looking to rat his spiky ass out?

In any case, regardless of all that,

Cloud totally understood

where Aerith was coming from,

and he guessed he just wasn’t

really thinking at the time,

when he re-gifted the flower—

Tifa took note of the flower,

and he didn’t want to go into

"the whole flower girl anecdote",

so he figured it might be kind of nice to,

you know, pass along the love?

Aerith repeated the phrase

"pass along the love" in a way

that, quite amazingly,

wasn’t completely filled to the brim

with consternation and contempt.

To Cloud there was something ineffably true

about contemplating the female form,

in its blunt physical iteration—

there was no lurid opinion

present within it,

although Cloud didn’t

explicitly express this idea

to Aerith at the time,

given her reticence

to engage in the opinion

versus intuition

dichotomy he started the conversation with,

yet he was still obviously contemplating

her form as this back and forth

occurred.

Her typical philosophical disposition

when it came to love triangles

was waning just slightly—

this little flower incident

seemed to "almost rile her up" emotionally,

although it was clear to Cloud

when she repeated the phrase

"pass along the love"

that she wasn’t entirely riled up.

Not yet at least.

Aerith finally confirmed for Cloud that, yes,

it was via pure intuition

she’d surmised her flower

no longer resided

on his person, and, sure,

she agreed that there was a certain

distinction between the two types of knowledge.

Cloud then asked Aerith

what she thought was the cause

of each type—well,

obviously opinion consisted of

literal whisper networks,

she said, from what people saw

and heard and all that.

This allowed Cloud

to note that wasn’t everything

Shinra was working on—

especially Hojo—

was that not basically another whisper network,

that Hojo,

despite being a so-called scientist,

was simply working off of what he

and his associates heard and saw?

Aerith was tempted to say

Hojo’s operation

was a more systematic version

of that, yes, but instead abruptly cut

herself off, because

when she considered it further

she concluded the under city whisper networks

were actually quite complex themselves!

So instead she accused Cloud

of changing the subject,

then she noted that, actually,

she wanted to shift topics,

but not to the so-called whisper networks

of Hojo versus the well-known

whisper networks

of the Sector Six Slums, no!

No,

Cloud understood.

Even he didn’t even really want to

talk about Hojo!

Maybe he was obfuscating.

Cloud apologized,

but Aerith said it wasn’t necessary,

there was no sorry needed really—

they probably shouldn’t beat a dead horse,

so to speak.

But, ugh,

what a horrendous turn of phrase.

No, Cloud agreed—

it was a terrible saying,

a scumbag saying, really—

Hojo probably would do it though,

beat a dead horse?—

and then fucking, like,

inject it with mako or some shit,

make it a mutant steed!

Gross!

Fucking loser!

New Co-Op Cashier

False Doppelganger Arguments

Echoes: 1,227

Syllables: 1,738

Self-Similarity: .706

Cloud just at that moment

had begun to recapitulate,

this time to the two of them—

Aerith and Tifa—

how it wasn’t actually the case

that he’d seen the being,

no, there wasn’t in fact

an actual physical being

in that sense of the phrase—

it wasn’t like the men in the black

cloaks they’d be following in Rebirth

(were either of them

familiar with that plotline yet?).

He’d just began to explain this

to the both of them,

and Cloud didn’t feel any different

about it necessarily—

the fact that he was telling

the both of them—Tifa was behind the bar

and Aerith just happened to be there.

It was fine.

Were they familiar

with Rebirth yet? Probably not, right?

But no, in this case Cloud had been

fucking, you know, just sitting

on this carpet in Wutai at the time—

he sat on the carpet cross-legged,

and then he suddenly intuited

a "purely divine being" emanating

in the triangle head encapsulated

in the perfectly square design

that repeated endlessly

throughout the entire carpet.

This triangle head was what

Cloud could only describe

as a "laughing Allah",

that’s how it struck him—

there wasn’t really a question about it

in Cloud’s mind, and it was actually beautiful.

Yes, a "laughing Allah"

was the only way he could describe the divine being,

which certainly "communicated with him"

as he sat cross-legged in Wutai

in a somewhat mystical manner,

albeit not quite verbally,

but the being certainly

communicated in a way

that caused Cloud to smile.

Cloud—smile?! The two women

found that totally hilarious!

Tifa nearly fucked up

the beer she was pouring

she was so surprised to hear

Cloud of all people

talking about himself "smiling",

but neither Tifa nor Aerith

found this anecdote of Cloud’s

to be disingenuous in any way—

in fact they both fully supported

Cloud’s confessions and more often

than not even found them

legitimately intriguing

(but there were, of course,

some exceptions!),

albeit they generally

found the anecdotes intriguing

in a one-on-one setting,

as opposed to this FFM arrangement.

But that was clearly fine!

It just so happened Aerith

was around and she popped in the bar.

No big deal at all!

Yet, while contemplating whether or not

another Moscow Mule

was advisable or not,

Cloud expressed quite vigorously

that he wanted to relay

a subsequent anecdote

that he viewed apropos

of the carpet encounter,

if that was okay? Of course!

Well, specifically

it was that when

he popped into his local co-op

grocery store that morning,

for just a few minor items,

a couple hand fruits really,

and the new cashier asked him—

right as he shifted his headphones

up off of his ears

to start the formalized sales transaction—

if his "brother or something"

went there sometimes?—

to the grocery store?

Did Cloud "have a brother" by any chance?

Because she, the new cashier,

felt like she’d seen him before?

Well,

Cloud said to the cashier,

thinking about it for a second,

he found it quite possible

that this alleged

doppelganger was actually

fucking just him!—Cloud himself!—

that the cashier was

in that particular instance

confusing Cloud "for his actual self",

that this cashier

"only believed she’d seen"

someone who looked "just like Cloud" before

because she’d, in fact,

seen Cloud before.

He walked away just momentarily,

he told Tifa and Aerith,

just to toss his basket back

into the stack of baskets

behind the automatic

doors.

Yeah, he’d take one more

Mule, please Tifa?

The new cashier was chuckling

when Cloud arrived back

at the checkout counter

ready to pay for his shit—

she was in the process of entering

the item number for his red quinoa,

chuckling alone—

"it could’ve been you" she repeated,

chuckling, but then,

Cloud relayed

to Tifa and Aerith,

she actually came around to Cloud’s particular hypothesis.

The new cashier,

after thinking about it,

came to agree with Cloud,

that she actually probably had seen him

in the grocery store before,

and that she’d just now erroneously

figured he had a brother,

when in fact this hypothetical brother

was "actually just Cloud himself".

Tifa considered,

after she’d ingested the full anecdote

and served Cloud

his refreshed Moscow Mule,

that it was somewhat likely

that the cashier wanted to

quote-unquote suck his cock,

and Cloud didn’t necessarily

disagree with the notion!—

he certainly considered it

possible, that this cashier

may have been amenable

to something like that,

but that wasn’t quite the point!

There was a type of wisdom

latent in the exchange,

wasn’t there?—

regardless of whether or not

the cashier wanted to

"perform fellatio" on Cloud?

Aerith, by contrast,

took a more philosophical angle

to her analysis

of the encounter,

because she agreed with Cloud

that the cashier exhibited

a certain spiritual insight,

even if it was inadvertent.

Aerith, for her part,

didn’t put much of any stock

into the cashier’s intentions,

whether or not they were sordid,

benign, or simply indifferent.

Upon acknowledging this

Tifa noted that she recognized

Aerith’s point of view as valid,

that it was probably

the "right way to take it in",

even if she, Tifa,

wasn’t personally at the point

of participating in quite that level

of objectivity

(if they could, in fact, call it that).

Cloud noted that,

at the end of the day,

he couldn’t help it if

a "certain person felt an urge"

to suck his cock—that whether or not

someone wanted to suck anyone’s cock

is something ultimately unknowable,

that he couldn’t simply

toss potential spiritual encounters

to the wayside purely because

of a purported sordid subtext

or intention.

Both women

agreed with this,

yet perhaps Aerith

just a tad more than Tifa?—

not to say Tifa was somehow

beside herself with jealousy

in any material way—no,

this distinction between Tifa and Aerith

was probably rooted more so

in Aerith’s basically absurd ability

to remain philosophically

undeterred about other women

while steeped in an obvious love triangle.

Did she even like Cloud, really?

Because it was really quite evident

that Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith

were "collectively entwined

in a sort of love triangle",

but Aerith, for her part,

maintained quite the unique ability

to remain essentially

philosophical about it all—

she didn’t seem to allow feelings of jealousy

to overcome her in the least

when Cloud relayed anecdotes

about cashiers that,

if the three were being honest,

clearly wanted to whip

the guy’s cock out and suck on it

for an extended interval of time.

Did she even really like Cloud?

His individual feelings on the situation

were a little ambiguous,

even when he was all alone—

Cloud was of course incapable

of assessing his own feelings

for somewhat obvious reasons.

The Original Text

I: 1859:2546 .73

[C][l]oud was [s][i]tt[i]ng at [S][e]v[e]nth H[ea]v[e]n d[r]in[k]ing a Fernet on the [r]o[ck]s e[n]g[a]g[i]ng i[n] [l]ight [c]onver[s][a]t[i]on with a [c]o[ck][s]u[ck]er h[e]’d ne[v]er [e][v]en met [a][b]out [a] [Q]ueen’s [B][l]ood [p][l][ay]-in g[a]me that he’d - this [p]arti[c]ular [c]o[ck][s]u[ck]er - [r]e[q]uested to [b]e [p]ut on the [T][V] at the [b]ar. Well, a[c]tual[l]y [C][l]oud [c]o[r]re[c]ted, for the [r]e[c]ord, that he’d a[c]tua[l]ly been [r]eading a [f]ew [p][a]ges of [T]im[a]eus [p][r]ior to all this, [m][a]king a [f]ew [d]is[p]a[r]ate notes, [f]in[d]ing him[s]el[f] [p]uzzled at the [s]en[s]o[r]y in[f]or[m]ation that [c]on[t]inued [t]o [b]e [r]e[l][ay]ed in[t]o his [b][r][ai]n. [C][l]oud [b][a]si[c]a[l]ly a[l]leged he was [f][l]u[m]moxed a[b]out the [s]en[s]o[r]y in[f]orm[a]tion that [b]e[c][a]me, in [s]ome [w][ay], [r]el[ay]ed to [w]hat he guessed [w]as his [b][r][ai]n? - how any of that was [c]o[r]ro[b]o[r]ated, [b]ut [m]ore [s]o [C][l]oud [c]on[t]em[p][l][a]ted the [s][t]ati[c] n[a]ture of [s]aid i[m]ages - that’s [w]hat he [w]as [s][p]e[c]ifi[c]a[l]ly [c]on[t]em[p][l]ating [w]hen [a] guy [w]ith [a] r[ou]nd-a[s]s [f]a[c]e [l]eaned [o]n[t]o the [b]ar, [s]ee[k]ing to [c][l]ose his [t]ab,  obviou[s][l]y ex[c]ited [t]o [t]ell the [b]ar[t]ender that he may n[ee]d to show [h]er [h]is I[D], just [b]e[c]ause he [t]oo[k] his wife’s [l]a[s]t name and [h]adn’t [h]ad a [ch]an[c]e to [ch]ange his [l]i[c]en[s]e yet? The pa[t][r]on with the [r]ound-a[s]s [f]a[c]e [n]oted how [n]i[c]e the bar[t]ender was ([T]i[f]a!), [b]ut [w]hat [w]as her [n]ame again? He [c]ould [d]e[f][i][n][i]te[l][y] [d]isp[l]ay his I[D] if sh[e] r[ea][l]l[y] [n][ee]ded, just be[c]ause, again, his [l]ast [n]ame [w]as [d]i[f]ferent [n]ow - ta[k]ing his [w]i[f]e’s [n]ame and all! Of [c]ourse, [C][l]oud [n][o]ted, [th]at it was [c]lear [th]at [n][o] one gave [a] [f]u[c]k [a]bout the [p][r]inted name on [a] [c][r]edit [c][ar]d in that b[ar], and Ti[f]a, [f]or her [p][ar]t, [d]i[d]n’t exa[c]t[l][y] [s][ee]m [l]i[k]e she was [r]am[p]ing [u][p] to [s][u]ck this [d]ude o[f]f j[u]st be[c][au]se he was a [r]a[d]i[c]al [f]eminist. [F]or [C][l]oud’s [p]art he was still, you know, a[tt]em[p]ting [t]o get [b][e]hind the [b][l]unt [s]en[s]ations [b][e]ing [s]muggled [r]e[l]ent[l]e[s]s[l]y into his [s]o-[c]alled [c]onsciou[s] [e]xi[s]ten[c]e. [E]ve[r]ything was [a]n [i]mage to [s]ome e[x]tent, [r]ight Ae[r]ith? Touch it[s]el[f] was a [f]u[c]king [s]en[s]o[r]y [i]m[a]ge. [I]t was a [q]uaint [S]p[r]ing evening where [C][l]oud [f]elt m[or]e [or] [l][es]s [d][es]tined to [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph][i]ze, having [s]tarted [d][r]in[k]ing w[i]ne in [p][r]e[p]a[r]ation [f]or a [F][r][i][d]ay [n][i]ght [d]inner, on[l]y to have Ti[f]a [b]ail [l]ast mi[n]ute, [b]e[c]ause sh[e] [n][ee]ded to [p][i][c]k u[p] a [b]ar sh[i][f]t - [l][ea]ving him [c]om[p][l][e]te[l][y] fr[ee] to [c]ontinue this wine [d][r]in[k][i]ng [i]n a [r][i]tual[i][s]ti[c] [w]ay that [w]ould be [c]on[d]u[c]ive to [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al i[d]eas. Yes, [C][l]oud [c]on[t]inued [t]o Ae[r]ith, it was [b]asi[c]a[l]l[y] on[l][y] vi[a] d[r]in[k]ing [a][l]one, [b]ut in [a] [r]itua[l]i[s]ti[c] [f][a]shion, th[a]t h[e]’d ach[ie]ved any [s]ort of [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph][i][c]al [i]n[q]uiry. You [c]oul[d]n’t just [s]it at a [d]e[s]k and be[c]ome [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al, at [l]ea[s]t [n]ot for [C][l]oud! May[b][e] [s]ome [p][eo][p]le [c]ould! [B]ut, [n]o, [n]ot [C][l]oud. He’d i[m]agine [th]at [th]ere were [p]ro[b]a[b][l]y a [l]itany of [p]o[s]si[b]le ways of [b]e[c]o[m]ing [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al - [l]i[k]e, [f]or in[s]tan[c]e, [f]or the round-[f]a[c]ed al[b]ino ch[a][p], [p]erh[a][p]s [t]e[l]ling [T]i[f]a that he’d [t]aken his wi[f]e’s [l][a]st n[a]me, m[ay][b]e that could [b][e] [s][ee]n as po[s]si[b][l][y] ritua[l][i][s]t[i][c] [i]n a w[ay], a g[a]tew[ay] to [s]ome [s]ort of be[c]oming [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al. This was a[c]tua[l]ly [s]cien[c]e, [C][l]oud [t]old [h]er [h]e [th]ought at [th]e bar, [s]uc[c]e[s]sfully avoidi[ng] [m]a[k]i[ng] any eye [c]on[t]a[c]t with the round-fa[c]ed [m]an. Was it [n]e[c]e[s]sa[r]ily [s]t[r]ange at all that [o]n[c]e the G[r]ee[k]s [w]ent extin[c]t [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]y went m[or]e [or] [l]ess [c]omp[l][e]te[l][y] and utter[l][y] downhill and [n]ever [l]oo[k]ed b[a][c]k in the [l]ea[s]t, [th][a]t [th]e [l][a][s]t group to [r][ea]l[l]y [r][ea]ch much of any [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al [s]u[c]ce[s]s made a [s]in[c]ere e[ff]ort to [c]onjoin getting [f][u][c]ked [u][p] with [c]on[t]em[p][l]ating in[t]e[l]ligible [ph]e[n]o[m]e[n]a? - [th]at [th][e]se G[r][ee][k]s a[tt]em[p]ted [t]o [m]a[r]ry i[n][e]b[r][i]ation and [r]igo[r]ous dia[l]e[c]tic? [Th]at all [th]ought since - to [p]a[r]a[ph][r]ase [N]orthhead - had been a mi[n]or [f]oot[n]ote to [P]lato or [w]hatever? [Th]e [th]ing [w]as, a[c]cording to [C][l]oud, you just [c]oul[d]n’t w[i][l]l[y] n[i][l]l[y] [d]elve into metaph[y]s[i]cs [c]omp[l][e]te[l][y] [s]o[b]er! [B]ut that wasn’t to [s]ay a [p]er[s]on should [n]e[c]es[s]arily [b]e[c]ome [s]ome dege[n]e[r]ate al[c]oho[l]i[c] either, [b]e[c]ause a [d]ege[n]e[r]ate [d][r]unk would in [n]o w[ay] [m][a]ke a g[r][ea]t [m]eta-phys[i][c][i]st either - that was [b]a[s]i[c]a[l]ly impo[s]si[b]le, [b]e[c]ause, [l]i[k]e [C][l]oud [s]aid, the [s][o][l][o] m[o]de of in[e][b][r][i]ation should [b][e] done [r]itua[l]i[s]ti[c]a[l]ly, in [s]p[ur]ts, at [c][er]tain times. You [c]ouldn’t just [b]e [l]i[k]e h[i]tt[i]ng the [b]ottle [a]s soon [a]s you wo[k]e [f]rom a [s]lum[b]er! - a[f]ter [s]aid in[e][b][r][i]ation [s]essions you’d [r]e[q]uire [s]o[b][r][i]ety to [p]arse through [w]hatever it [w]as that [c]ame to you via [s]aid [c]ontem[p]lation, [n]o? In f[a][c]t, the [a][c]tual [s]cience was [n]othing [b]eyond this [p]ar[s]ing th[r]ough of in[e][b][r][i]ation [s]essions of [r]igo[r]ous [c]ontem[p][l][a]tion! That was it - what [l][ai]d [b]eh[i]nd [l]ogi[c] and metaph[y]s[i][c]s, in [C][l]oud’s m[i]nd at [l]east! [B]ut in[e][b][r][i]ation [c]ould [b]e anything [r]eally - [C][l]oud [c]ould en[t]er a s[t]ate of in[e]b[r][i]ation in [a] [c]ar [a][l]one on [a] Tuesd[ay] [A]M, without [c]onsuming a damn thing. [A]e[r]ith [m][or]e [or] less ag[r]eed, [a]dding th[a]t on the one hand a [ph]i[l]oso[ph]ical [m][i]nd should [b]e a[b]le [t]o ana[l][y]ze, in[t]er[p][r]et, ex[t][r]a[p]o[l]ate, all of that [s]cien[t][i][f][i]c [s][t]u[f]f - but, on [th]e o[th]er, i[f] you [f]ail to [p][l]a[c]e yourself [i]n a [p]os[i]t[i]on to [r]e[c]eive [a][n]ything to [a][n]a[l]yze, in[t]er[p][r]et, or ex[t][r]a[p]o[l]ate then you were [b]a[s]i[c]a[l]ly [s][c][r]ewed! [C][l]oud m[or]e [or] [l]ess ag[r]eed [b]ut [a]dded th[a]t - [s][a]ns this ty[p]e of “in[s][p]i[r]ation,” [s]o to [s][p][ea][k] - they’d [b][e] [s]tu[c]k [s][i]tt[i]ng at [a] ta[b]le just [n]ood[l]ing [a]r[oun]d [n][on][s]en[s]i[c]a[l]ly, v[a][c]i[l]lating [b][a][c]k [a]nd forth [b]e[t]ween [t]wo [t]ypes of [n]othing[n]ess, and then just pr[o][b]a[b][l]y k[n][o][c]king [o]ff s[o]me[o]ne else’s [w]ork [b]y [a][c]cident. [B]ut [n]one of this [w]as [n]ew! It [w]asn’t [l]i[k]e [C][l]oud [w]as [b][r][ea][k]ing [n]ews i[n] a[n]y [w][ay]. [A]t this point [A]e[r]ith [a]sked - you k[n][o]w, was thi[s] [a]l[b]i[n][o] douche [b]ag, he was an e[l]ement of this [a][n]a[l]y[s]is? [N]o, [n]ot real[l]y - a[c]cording to [C][l]oud - maybe the g[uy] was [t][r][y]ing a [t]ad [t]oo hard? - to [p][r]es[e]nt him[s][e]l[f] as a [s][p]e[c][i][f][i]c ar[c]he[t]y[p]e [t]o the gene[r]al [p]ubli[c], as a g[uy] who [d]e[c][i][d]ed to [s][p][i]t [i]n the fa[c]e of his [o]wn [c]h[r][o]mo[s][o]me [c]ount, [w]hich [w]as [s]omething [C][l]oud [p]er[s]ona[l]ly en[d]or[s]ed! Gran[t]ed [C][l]oud [p]ro[b]a[b][l]y [w]oul[d]n’t [d]o it [b]y [t][a][k]ing his [w]ife’s [l]ast [n][a]me, [b]e[c]ause [C][l]oud [p]er[s]o[n]al[l]y was obviou[s][l][y] more [p]rone [t]o a [t][y][p]e of [i][s]o[l]ated and over[l][y] [d]ramatic [s]elf-ann[i]hi[l]ation than a [s]ub[s]ervient and [d][i][s][i]ngen[u]ous[l]y [m][u]ted [f]e[m]i[n]ist a[n]nihi[l]ation, b[u]t he w[a]sn’t i[p][s][o] [f]act[o] op[p][o]sed to either! Ae[r]ith ag[r]eed [on]e h[un]d[r]ed [p]er[c]ent! But [C][l]oud [s]till would g[o] a [l]ittle [f]urther, n[o]ting [th]at i[n] [th]e i[n]telligible [s][ph]ere, as [s][o]me[o]ne [l]i[k]e, [s]ay, Pr[o][c][l]us would n[o]te, that [s][o]-[c]alled [f]orms were [s]omehow able to [p]arti[c]i[p]ate in [o]ne an[o]ther w[i]thout m[i]xing, [w]hereas [w][i]th[i]n the [s]en[s]ible realm they [p]art[i][c][i][p]ated [i]n th[i]ngs and [s]ub[s]e[q]uent[l][y] got [d]irt[y]. But [C][l]oud [th]ought [th]at it [w]as [w]orth going [o]ne [s]tep [f]urther - [s]ince they were [d]i[s][c]u[s]sing a[n]nihilation [a]nd [s]tu[f]f [a][n]yway, [th]at [th]e [p]er[c][ei]ved m[i]x[i]ng be[t]w[ee]n [f]orms that [t]ook [p]lace in the [s]en[s]ible a[r][e]na was it[s]el[f] j[u]st [a] [p][r]oje[c]tion of [m]ixture but not a[c]tual [m]ixture. The in[t]el[l]igi[b]le sphere, [b]eing [p]ure[l]y e[m]an[a]ted, [p]ar[t]i[c]i[p][a]ted w[i]th[i]n [i]t[s]elf without [m][i]x[i]ng [i]t[s]el[f], while i[n] the [s]e[n][s]i[b]le [s][ph]ere [i]t [d][i][d]n’t [s]eem like that was [p]o[s]si[b]le, that [b]y [p]arti[c]i[p]ating w[i]th[i]n [s]en[s][i]ble [th][i]ngs [th]ey [b]e[c]ame e[s]sential[l][y] m[i]xed w[i]th them, a[s]suming they were [c]ategori[c]a[l]l[y] [s]en[s]ible. E[s]sential[l][y] [n][a]ture was t[ai]nted, which of [c]our[s]e [C][l]oud [a]nd [A]erith k[n]ew all [t]oo [w]ell! [W]ay [t]oo [w]ell! He[n][c]e thei[r] sha[r]ed a[c]quie[s]ce[n][c]e toward [o][c]c[a]sio[n]al [a][n]nihil[a]tion! [B]ut even this [s]en[s][i][b]le f[i]lth, [s]o to [s][p]ea[k], [C]loud [th]ought, [th]i[s] [p]er[c]eived m[i]x[i]ng u[p] [i]n the [p]arti[c]i[p]ation of [s]en[s][i]ble th[i]ngs, wasn’t it [a]l[s]o [a] [p]rojec[ti]on? - [a]n [e]man[a][ti]on, just as the [p]ar[t]i[c]i[p][a][ti]on of the in[t]elligible [s]phere was al[s]o [a]n [e][m]a[n]ation of the [p][r]i[m]a[r]y u[n]ity of all things? Which, yeah, [b][r]ought [C][l]oud [b][a][c]k to th[a]t al[b]i[n]o [r]ound-[f]aced [f]u[c]k at the [b]ar, [t]a[k]ing his wi[f]e’s [l]ast [n]ame - [b]e[c]ause ul[t]i[m]ate[l][y] the al[b]ino’s [v]antage point wasn’t [r]e[m]ar[k]a[b][l][y] di[v]ergent f[r]om [C][l]oud’s or Ae[r]ith’s, [C][l]oud thought. Thi[s] al[b]i[n]o was [p][r]o[m]oting a [c]ertain t[y][p]e of an[n][i]hilation of their [c]ultu[r]al-[s]en[s]i[b]le [r]ealm, [th]in[k]ing [th]at [th]e [p]at[r]iar[c]hal lineage of their [s]o[c]iety was [b]a[s]i[c]ally [s]omething obje[c]tiona[b]le, [s]omething e[s]sential[l]y t[ai]nted, that should [b]e a[n]nihi[l][a]ted in the [s]ervi[c]e of [s]omething [m]ore pure. O[k]ay, well, [C][l]oud [th]ought [th]at [m][a]de a [m]odi[c]um of [s]ense! [M][a]ybe t[a][k]ing his wi[f]e’s [l]a[s]t n[a]me was in a [s]ense a g[r][ea]ter [f]orm of [p]u[r]ity than [l]o[c]king a woma[n] i[n] a [k]itche[n] and [e]xpe[c]ting a blowjob [e][v]ery other [e][v]ening, [C][l]oud thought. Ju[s]t as [P][r]o[c][l]us and [S]o[c][r]a[t]es [s]en[s]ed [th]at [th]e in[t]el[l]igible [s][ph]ere [p]arti[c]i[p]ated w[i]th [i]t[s]el[f] yet not in a [w]ay [w]here it m[i]xed w[i]th [i]t[s]elf, [th]at [th]i[s] was [d]i[s]tinct [f]rom our [f]urther [d]e[s]cen[d]ed, [s]en[s]i[b]le [s][ph]ere where things [p]arti[c]i[p]ated [w]ith [o]ne another [b]ut got [m]ixed u[p] in the [p]ro[c]e[s]s - well, [m]ay[b]e this al[b]i[n][o] [m]an was [n][o]ting [th]at [th]e [p]a[t]riar[c]h[y] was a [p]ar[t][i]c[i][p]a[t]o[r][y] m[i]x[i]ng that [l]eft un[s]eem[l]y [c]um [s]t[ai]ns - [f]or [l]a[c]k of a better [ph]r[a]se! - on hu[m]an ex[p]e[r]ience. [P]at[r]iar[c]hy, in the al[b]i[n]o [m]an’s [m][i]nd, should [b]e a[n]n[i]hilated [b]e[c]ause of this [s]en[s][i][b]le m[i]x[i]ng u[p], this [p]u[t]rid [t][ai]nting of [w]hat [w]ould [b]e [b]etter o[f]f [p]ure. And [t][a][k]ing your [n][i]ce wi[f]e’s [n]ame was a [p][r]o[p]er [m]ode of an[n]ihilation in [r]es[p]onse. Ae[r]ith [r]e[m]ar[k]ed that she knew [C][l]oud would inevita[b][l]y [b][r]ing the dis[c]ou[r]se [b]a[c]k to this [p]oo[r] ch[a][p] [c][l]osing his t[a]b, [b]ut, just to [b]e [c][l]ear, [w]hat [C][l]oud [w]as saying [w]as [th]at [th][i]s m[i]xing [th]at o[c]curred in the [s]en[s]ible [r]ealm was it[s]elf ju[s]t a [s]e[p]a[r]ate [p][r]ojection - ju[s]t a l[e][s]ser mode of [p]roj[e]cting! So [w]hile the [m]a[t]erial [w]orld [m]ay have di[s]gu[s]ted them, [p]erha[p]s [m]oving the [t]wo [t]oward [s]ome [s]ort of [a]ll-en[c]om[p]a[s]sing [c]on[c]e[p]tual [a]nnihilation, [a]nd [a]s [m]uch as the [p]a[t][r]iarchy [m]ight have seemed [p]u[t][r]id to the al[b]ino hus[b]and at the [b]ar who [l]oo[k]ed to an[n]ihi[l]ate him[s]el[f] [b]y ta[k]ing his [n][i][c]e w[i][f]e’s [l]a[s]t [n]ame, it [c]ould be wise to [c]on[s]i[d]er [th]at [th]ese [d]i[s]gu[s]ting a[g]g[r]e[g]ates were them[s]elves [s]im[p]ly [d]e[r][i]vat[i]ve [p]roje[c]tions, [th]at [th]ey weren’t a[c]tual [m]ixtures, [th]at [th]ey were just [d]erivative e[m]anations as o[p]posed [t]o [t]at[t]oos of what [th]ey [th]ought [th]ey [d]e[s][p]ised. Aerith [w]as a[w]are. She wasn’t [d]i[s]tressed a[b]out it, [b]ut she k[n]ew this poor al[b]i[n]o g[uy] would in [t][i]me [t]a[k]e the [b]r[u]nt [o]f it from [C]loud. [C]loud [q]uestioned whether he [d]i[d]n’t [d]eserve it? [P][l]us [l][i]ke they’d al[r]eady im[p][l][i]ed - they [m]u[s]t to [p][r]o[c]eed from the i[m]mane[n]t [t]o the [t]ran[s]cende[n]t, no?

II: 2174:3037 .716

[C][l]oud [f]ound it a [t]ad [b]e[f][u]dd[l]ing, j[u][s]t [b]e[c][au]se [T]ifa [s]aid sh[e]’d h[a]d [a]n [o]dd [d][r][e]am [a][b]out him the [p][r][e]v[i]ous night, and h[e]’d [r]e[p][l]ied [b][l]unt[l][y] that he [d]i[d]n’t usual[l][y] have [d]reams a[b]out [p][e]o[p]le h[e] knew, somehow [c]om[p][l][e]te[l][y] [p]urging the [f][a][c]t [f]rom his m[i]nd th[a]t, just that n[i]ght, [h]e’d [h]ad a [v]i[v]id dream in[v]ol[v]ing one of his [f]i[r]st gi[r]l[f]riends and he[r] [c]u[r]rent (to the [b]e[s]t of [C][l]oud’s know[l]edge) [s][p]ouse. [H]ow [c]ould th[a]t [h][a]ve [p][o[s]si[b][l]y [s][l]i[p]ped his [m]e[m]o[r][y], given the [v]i[v]a[c]it[y] of the [d][r]eam it[s]elf? [B]ar[r]ett [d]i[d]n’t have a [c][l]ue [e]ither, [r]eal[l][y]. [H]is ex and [h]er [h]usband were [l][i]v[i]ng w[i]th [C][l]oud and h[i]s [f][i][c]tional wi[f]e in a [m]o[d]est [c]on[d]o they’d been l[ea]sing in Up[p]er [M]idgar, yet he [t]old [T][i][f]a he “[n]ever [d]reamt” about [p]eo[p]le he k[n]ew, yet [p]erha[p]s the [m]o[s]t be[f]uddling a[s][p]e[c]t of it [w]as that [w]hen he’d said th[a]t to [h]er [h]e [a][c]tua[l]l[y] [b]e[l][ie]ved it! [C][l]oud’s ex-girlfriend and h[i]s [f][i][c]tional [w]i[f]e had [b]e[c]ome s[o]me[w]h[a]t [f][r]iend[l][y] i[n] the [d][r][e]am, i[n] the [c]on[d][o], and the wh[o]le or[d][e]al, in [C][l]oud’s [d][r]eam, st[r]u[c]k him as total[l][y] [f]ine [i]n[i]tial[l][y]. H[i]s [f][i][c]tional [w]i[f]e [w]as ob[s][c]u[r]ed, a [p]u[r]e [m]irage, [w]hile his ex [w]as [a]n [i][m]age of [h]ow [h]e’d k[n]own [h]er in the [p]ast, [n]ot [h]ow she was [n]ow ([n]ot that [h]e k[n]ew [h]ow she was [n]ow!), [b]ut eventua[l]ly [C][l]oud [b]egan [t]o [c]ome [t]o the [r]ea[l]ization [th]at [th]i[s] was his ex-[r]oman[t]i[c] in[t]ere[s]t, and that his [c]u[r]rent wi[f]e and ex-girl[f][r]iend [b]e[c]oming [f][r]iends was [a]n [a][b]solutely [c]ata[c]l[y]s[m][i][c] deve[l]op[m]ent for him [s]ocial[l]y, [th]at it [w]as [th]e [p]ro[b]a[b]l[y] [w]or[s]t [th]ing [th]at [c]ould [p]o[s]si[b]l[y] [h]a[p]pen to his [m]arriage. [H]e [w]ondered [w]h[a]t the [h][u]sband of [h]is ex [w]as thin[k]ing - [C]loud [w]as [w]ondering how it [w]as ex[a]ctly th[a]t he got r[o]ped into this wh[o]le [th]in[g] as he was [e]xitin[g] [t]his a[p]art[m]ent into an U[p]per [M]idgar that, of [c]ourse, wasn’t [e]xa[c]tly U[p]per [M]idg[a]r at [a]ll! Yet on[l]y hours [l]ater when [T]ifa [t]old [C][l]oud sh[e]’d had a [d]r[e]am w[i]th h[i]m [i]n [i]t that [n]ight he [c][l]aimed to [n]ever [d]r[e]am a[b]out [p]eo[p]le he k[n]ew. Odd! [B]ar[r]ett [n][o]ted [th]at he just [d]id, [th]ough, [r]ight? [Th]at his [s]tatement [t]o [T]i[f][a] was [f][a]l[s]e, [n][o]? Um, yeah, th[a]t’s ex[a][c]t[l]y what [C][l]oud ju[s]t [s]aid! [C][l]oud [r]e[i]te[r]ated that it was “[l][i]te[r]al[l]y [th]at night” [th]at [h]e’d [h]ad [th]e [d][r]eam, [f]urther em[ph]asizing the ab[s]ur[d][i]ty of h[i]s [s]t[a]te[m]ent [t]o [T]ifa. [M][a]ybe, [C][l]oud thought, it was [c][l][o][s]er to a [c][o]in[c]i[d]en[c]e th[a]n [a]n a[c]ute [m]i[s][r]e[m]em[b]erin[g] o[r] fo[r]gettin[g]? Was that [p]os[s]i[b]le? [M]e[m]o[r]y was elli[p][t]i[c]al [s]ome[t]imes. [B]ut i[n] a[n]y [c]a[s]e, he [t]old [B]a[r]rett [h]e’d [h]ad another d[r][e]am [r][e][c]ent[l]y - if [B]a[r]rett was [b]y any chan[c]e [i]nte[r]e[s]ted [i]n [l][i][s]tening to more [b]ullshit a[b]out his [d][r]eam [s]tates? - where [C]loud had [d]i[s][c]overed a g[l]owing, f[l]uo[r][e][s]cent i[n][s][e][c]t i[n] one of the [d][r]awers on a [s][c][r]eened-in patio that [d]i[d]n’t ex[i][s]t [i]n [s]o-[c]alled “[r]eal [l]i[f]e,” and [C][l]oud to[s]sed the [f]u[c]king thing [o]ut[s]ide [o]nto the gras[s], [k][i]nd of [d]i[s]gu[s]ted [b][y] it to [b]e hone[s]t, on[l]y to [d]i[s][c]over that [s][a]me in[s]e[c]t ju[s]t a [f]ew [m]o[m]ents [l][a]ter - but [n]ow a[p]pea[r]ing in a huma[n]oid [f]orm, [s]tanding out[s]ide the [s]c[r]eened-in [p]atio, ho[p]ing to b[e] [l]et in. Now, in [th]e dr[ea]m [th]ere was a [l]ittle [g][e]t-to[g][e]ther on [th]i[s] [p]ati[o], [s][o] [C][l]oud [w]as a [l]ittle wa[r]y of [l]etting this [b][e]ing - who was female, [t]o [b][e] [c][l]ear - in[t]o the [p]arty, [b]ut [c]u[r]ious[l][y] [e]ve[r]yone [e]lse at the [p]o[w]-wo[w] [s][e]emed total[l][y] in[c]a[p]a[b]le of [p]er[c][ei]ving her, [e]ven a[f]ter [C][l][ou]d al[l][ow]ed her in? Yes, [C][l][ou]d al[l][ow]ed her in and the [f]orm of [c]ommuni[c]ation be[t]ween him[s]el[f] a[n]d the e[n][t][i]t[y] was [s][i]m[p]l[y] a [s]eries of vague [f]eelings, [p]erha[p]s, he [th]ought, [th]i[s] was [s]ome [k][i]nd of [r]em[i]nder that you [c]ouldn’t just, you know, [c][r]eate [th]ings - [th]at [r]e[f][r][e]shing [s]ynthe[s]es are the b[e][s]t [w]e [c]ould do? [W]ith [th]at [s]aid, [th]ey [s]tarted [c]o[p]ulating on the [p]atio. [B][a][r]rett wan[t]ed [t]o [c][l][a][r]i[f][y] [th]at it was [th]e [b]utter[f][l][y] [w]oman that [C][l]oud [w]as [f]u[c]king? Or [w]hatever she [w]as? [W]ell, [C][l]oud n[o]ted, [o]nly [w]hen she [b]e[c]ame a human [b]eing, of [s]ome [s]ort, [th]at [th]at [w]as [w]hen the [c]opu[l]ation o[c]curred, obviou[s][l][y]! [B]ut, with that [s]aid, it was a[c]tual[l][y] ([k]ind of?) int[r]iguing [t]o [B]a[r]rett, [t]o [b]e honest? [B]ut, mo[r]e impo[r]tant[l][y], [C][l]oud [r]eal[l][y] wan[t]ed [t]o know how [S][e]v[e]nth H[ea]v[e]n was [l]a[s]t night, [b]e[c]ause [B]a[r]rett [s]top[p]ed [b]y there, [d]i[d]n’t [h]e? [H]ow was it? Well. [L]et’s [s]e[e]. [B]arrett [d]e[f]inite[l][y] [f]elt the [p]urit[y] of the [b]ooze ex[p]and w[i]th[i]n h[i]s che[s]t u[p]on his [f]ir[s]t [s]i[p], and while the [b]ar[t]ender ([o]bvious[l][y] [n][o]t [T]i[f]a, [b]ut he [d]i[d]n’t [c]atch her [n]ame) was s[l]ight[l][y] more a[f]fable than [w]hen he [w]ent there [w]ith [C][l]oud, but she [d]i[d]n’t [a][c]tual[l][y] [a]sk [w]hat [f]ruit he [w]anted [i]n the dr[i]n[k]. [S]itting a[l][o]ne at [S][e]v[e]nth H[ea]v[e]n Bar[r]ett [t]oo[k] n[o]te of him[s]elf [t]o[s]sing the [s]ingle orange [s][l]i[c]e onto h[i]s th[i]n, [n]ow i[m]m[e]d[i]ate[l][y] [m]oist [n][a][p][k]in and [m][a]nual[l][y] extr[a][c]ting the [s]ingle [s]eed th[a]t h[a]d been ex[p]elled [f][r]om the o[r]ange [i]nto the [l][i][q]uor [f]rom the g[l]a[s]s, a[n]d i[n] doing [s]o, he n[o]ted [th]at all [th]at he’d a[cc]ounted for [a]t the [b]ar - the [a][f]fa[b][i]l[i]t[y], the [f]ruit, the s[e]ed - that extr[a][c]ting those id[e]as [o]ut [o]f the air was [b][a][s]i[c]ally the [s][a]me as the [c]oo[r]dinate-t[r]a[c]king [r]epo[r]ted [b]y [r]emote viewers. He gl[a]nced [b][a][c]k [a]t the [b]ar and too[k] [b]rief note of the [b]artender ch[u]gging [a] shot [o]f [b]ooze with a [c][u]stomer and was vio[l]ent[l]y sma[c]ked in the [f]ace with an a[c]ute [m]e[m]o[r]y of [r][i][p]p[i]ng [s][i]m[i]lar shots with a [s][p]e[c]i[f]i[c] [b]artender [f]rom his [p]ast, [w]hich [w]as [b]a[s]i[c]ally ju[s]t a[n]other [s]et of [c]oordi[n]ates, [b]ut these [p]ar[t]i[c]u[l]ar [c]oordinates [r]e[t]urned [t]o [h]im, [h]e [d]i[d]n’t [p][l]u[c]k them [o]ut [o]f the air. He [d]i[d]n’t [p][l]u[c]k these ri[p]ping shots with a bartender [c]oordinates [f]rom a [r]a[p]id [r]ush of in[f]ormation - no, [s]aid [c]oordinates [r]eturned to him [a]s he [s][a]t in [s]o[l]i[t]ude [a]t the bar [t]otal[l]y in[v]o[l]un[t]ari[l][y], [v]io[l]ent[l][y] sm[a][c]king B[a]rret in the [f]u[c]king [f]a[c]e and [s]omewhat [r]ude[l]y [c]o[l]la[p][s]ing time [i]t[s]el[f] [i]n the [p][r]o[c]e[s]s, [r]ight as [B]ar[r]ett [s][a]t [a]t th[a]t [t]iny [t]a[b]le a[l]one, [i]nn[o][c]ent[l]y [s][i]pping h[i]s dr[i]n[k] [i]n [S][e]v[e]nth H[e]av[e]n. [B]arrett the[n] w[e]nt on [t]o [t]ell [C]loud how, [b]efore the [b]ar, he’d s[ee]n a [b]unch of [p][eo][p]le with [M]a[k][o] [p][o]isoning that [h]e [h]adn’t seen in [m]onths, and [C]loud [n]oted that’s how they k[n]ew S[p][r]ing was ap[p][r]oaching, [r]ight?! Yet, on that [n]ote, it was [k]ind of [f]unny be[c]ause [C][l]oud was a[c]tual[l]y thin[k]ing to himsel[f] [th]e o[th]er [d][ay] - [w]hat [w]as the exa[c]t [d]e[f][i]n[i]tion of sobriety any[w][ay] - li[k]e how [c]ould they a[c]tually [d]i[s]t[i]ngu[i]sh [s]o[b][r]iety f[r]om intoxi[c]ation? [B]a[r]rett [p]er[k]ed [u][p] [a] [b]it. [C][l]oud made it [c][l]ear that, [n]o, he wasn’t [n]e[c]e[s]sari[l]y [l]i[k]e [t]al[k]ing about s[m][o][k]ing [c]ra[c]k, or exp[o]sing your[s]elf to high in[t]en[s]ity [m][a][k]o shards for [d]e[c]ades on end, [b]ut [m][a]y[b]e ju[s]t [d]rin[k]ing [w]h[i]te [w][i]ne or [s]omething? [B]e[c]ause [C][l]oud [w]as [c]r[o][s]s[i]ng the [W][a]sh[i]ngton [S]t[r]eet [b][r]idge [c]on[t]em[p][l]ating a [p]ar[t]i[c]u[l]ar [v]is[i]on of [i]nd[i][v][i]sible One[n]ess [th]e o[th]er [n]ight, [a]s [B][a]rrett k[n]ew too well th[a]t [C]loud was [a]pt [t]o do [f]rom [t]ime [t]o [t]ime, and [b]e[l]ieve it [n]ot he was a[c]tua[l]ly [d]i[s]covering [a] [d]e[c]ent [a][m]ount of e[n]joy[m]ent i[n] the [m]a[t]e[r]ial [w]orld at the [t]ime! - [d][r]in[k]ing a [m]ini [w]ater [b]ottle f[i]lled w[i]th [M]ez[c]al, [b]ut [a]lso [a]t[t]emp[t]ing to [g]auge whether [h]e’d [h]ave the [t]ime [t]o [g]rab just one [m]o[r]e [b]eer [b]e[f]o[r]e [T][i][f]a was su[p]posed to b[e] at his a[p]art[m]ent. [C][l]oud was [c]ontemp[l][a]ting the n[a]ture of a[n] [i][n]d[i]v[i]sible [O]nenes[s], [b]ut he [w]as al[s][o] [c]omforted [b]y the mate[r]ial [r]ealm while [c][o]ld[l]y [c]al[c]u[l]ating his odds of [b]eing a[b]le to ch[u]g an[o]ther [b]eer while still ma[k]ing it [b]a[c]k to his [a][p]artment [b]e[f]ore Ti[f]a was sup[p]osed to [a]rrive. [A]nd [a]s [C][l]oud was [c]ontem[p][l][a]ting this n[a]ture of a[n] i[n]d[i]v[i]s[i]ble [O]neness, [c]r[o]s[s][i]ng a [W][a]sh[i]ngton [S]t[r]eet b[r]idge, [d][r]in[k]ing [M]ez[c]al from a [m]ini water [b]ottle [C]loud [r]e[m]ar[k]ed to [B]a[r]rett [h]ow [h]e’d [s]tarted to [q]ue[s]tion this very [d]ef[i]n[i]tion of [s]o[b][r]iety. [B]ut it was here [B]a[r]rett [b]egan to [q]uestion - [w]ell - [w]hat did [C][l]oud [a][c]tua[l]ly mean by th[a]t? [W]ell, [w]hat [C]loud [w]as [t][r]ying [t]o get [a]t, Ba[r]rett, was th[a]t [s]o[b]riety it[s]elf was [s]up[p]osed to [b]e a [b]a[s]eline of [s]orts, no? Of [c]our[s]e it was! Yet how [c]ould [th]ey [m]easure [th]i[s] [b]a[s]e[l]ine exa[c]t[l]y? - was there [a] [m]easure[m]ent at [a]ll? - was so[b]r[i]ety to [b]e def[i]ned [b]y a l[a][c]k of p[a]ssion, or a vague [s]en[s]e of th[e] “[e]ven-[k][e]eled”? [B]ut the pro[b][l]em was, in [C][l]oud’s [m]ind at [l]ea[s]t, [th]at [th]ere was [n]o u[n]iver[s]al e[m]otional [b]a[s]eline [w][i]th [w]h[i]ch to def[i]ne [s]o[b]r[i]ety. [S]ome [p]eo[p]le - he [m]eant, even [C][l]oud [h]imself [c]ould be t[o]tal[l][y] un[h]inged e[m][o]tional[l][y] on o[c]casion while [q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te “[c]omp[l][e]te[l][y] [s][o][b]er”! [F]urther[m]ore, even i[f] they - [B]arrett and [C][l]oud - [c]ould de[f]ine [s]ome [b]a[s]e[l]ine e[m]otional [s]tatus [a]s [a]xio[m][a]ti[c], [th]en [th]ey would [s]till have to [c]ombat [ph]ilo[s]o[ph]i[c]al[l][y] with e[x]ternal [s]ub[s]tan[c]es that weren’t [c]on[s]i[d]ered int[o][x]i[c]ants that would [o]bviou[s][l][y] sh[i]ft th[i][s] e[m]otional ba[s]e[l]ine. What did [C][l]oud [m]ean? Well, [l]i[k]e, [a] [l]a[c]k of f[oo]d [c]ould [a]lter m[oo]d. The [s]ame [c]ould be [s]aid of [c]a[f]feine! [C]o[n]suming dirt would pro[b]a[b]ly shi[f]t s[o]me[o]ne’s emotional [s]tate. Hi[s]to[r]i[c]al[l]y, a[c]co[r]ding to [C][l]oud, [p]eo[p]le ate fu[c]king [p][l]ants with [s]mall [d]o[s]es of p[s]y[c]he[d][e]l[i][c]s em[b][e][d]d[e]d w[i]th[i]n them and [p][r]o[b]a[b]ly thought ve[r]y little about “in[t][o]xi[c]ation” [p][r][o][p]er! [P]eo[p]le u[s]ed to fu[c]king [s]ani[t]ize [w]ater [w]ith al[c]ohol! [S][m]o[k]ing [t]o[b]a[c]co al[t]ered [m]ood. [B]a[s]i[c]ally, [B]arrett, “a[n]ything we i[n]ge[s]t alters our l[a]tent [s]t[a]te of exi[s]ten[c]e and there[f]o[r]e ch[a]nges u[s] in [s]ome [f]o[r]m or [a]nother, wh[i]ch [i]n [m]o[s]t [a]ll [c]a[s]es pro[b]a[b]ly [f][i]l[t]ers [i]n[t]o our [m]ood.” [C]loud [n]oted, [f]or him [p]er[s]o[n]al[l]y, a shi[f]t in his [d]iet [c]ould [d]o won[d]ers for h[i]s [i]ntel[l]e[c]tual [d]i[s][p]osition - [s]o then [w]hat [w]as [s]o[b]riety? It [s]eemed im[p]o[s]si[b]le to even [th]in[k] a[b]out [s]o[b][r]iety as [a] [th]ing at [a]ll! Well, [B]a[r]rett h[a]dn’t ex[a][c]tly [c]on[s]idered it li[k]e that and [w]asn’t sure if he [w]ould. [B]ut [C][l]oud [th]ought [th]at m[a]y[b]e th[ey]’d t[a][k]en a [f]al[s]e [b][a][s]e[l]ine of [s]o[b]riet[y] [c]on[c]eptual[l][y], no? A[f]ter all, [w]hat [t]e[c]h[n]i[c]al[l][y] [w]as an ex[t]er[n]al [s]ub[s]tan[c]e? [C]ould they [d]ig even [f]urther and [c]on[s][i][d]er the [d]e[f][i][n][i]tion of an ex[t]er[n]al [s]ub[s]tan[c]e? A [c]onver[s]ation [c]ould [c]ertainly [a]lter [a] [p]er[s]on’s [t]em[p]erame[n]t ex[p]one[n]tial[l][y] as well! - but did that [t]e[c]h[n]i[c]al[l][y] [c]ount as [a]n [e]xoge[n]ous [s]ub[s]tan[c]e? Did [w]ords [n]ot [c]arry [w]eight? A vo[c]i[f]e[r]ous thought or [e]ven a [f]l[e]eting [m]e[m]o[r][y] - e[s][p]ecial[l][y] in [C][l]oud’s [c]a[s]e! - [c]ould [o][f]ten t[o][s]s a [p]er[s]on [c]om[p][l][e]te[l]y o[f]f-[k]ilter, yet they [s]till [f]or [s]ome in[c]om[p][r]ehen[s]i[b]le [r]eason [c][l]ung to an [i]dea of an obj[e][c]tive [s]o[b]r[i]et[y], and [th]en [th]ey [s]ub[s]e[q]u[e]nt[l][y] [t]argeted [s]e[l]e[c]t [s]ub[s]tan[c]es as in[t]oxi[c]ating, while deeming [s]o-[c]alled “other” [s]ub[s]tan[c]es - which [a]l[s]o [a]l[t]ered [t]emperaments - as [t]otally fine! [W]ell, [th]is [w]as [w]hat [C][l]oud [w]as [th]in[k]ing at [l]east, as he [w][a]l[k]ed over the [W][a]shington [S]treet [b]ridge - that i[f] [p]eo[p]le [d]i[d]n’t [v]iew [c]on[s]uming [f]resh [v]ege[t]a[b]les as [s][o]mething [f][u]nda[m]en[t]ally [m]ind al[t]ering, then it was [p]o[s]si[b]le, in [C]loud’s [m]ind, [th]at [th]ey ju[s]t ex[p]e[r]ien[c]ed the [w]orld in va[s]tly dif[f]e[r]ent [w]ays. [A]nd [B][a]r[r]ett [f]or his [p]art [f]ound this to [b][e] int[r]iguing yet un[c]onvin[c]ing. [B]ut [C][l]oud in[s][i][s]ted [th]at [th]ere [s][i]mp[l][y] was no [t]rue [a]nd [e]x[t]ended [s]tabi[l]it[y] of our men[t]al [s]tates - even if [th]ey were hy[p]o[th]eti[c]al[l][y] de[p][r]ived of ex[t]ernal [t]in[k]e[r]ing, be[c]ause even thought it[s]el[f] was [f]undamen[t]al[l][y] e[x][t]ernal [t]o [s]ome e[x][t]ent, was it not? [A]nd [p]eo[p]le on [a]verage were [c]onstant[l][y] a[c]costed by [s][p]e[c]i[f]i[c] th[ou]ghts, were they [n][o]t? Thought [a]lmost [n]ever [c]ea[s]ed [a][c]co[s]ting th[e]se [p][e]o[p]le, [w]hich [w]ere all [p]eo[p]le? And even i[f] [th]ey [c]on[f]ined [th]emselves to [c]ommonly ag[r]eed u[p]on mate[r]ial [s]ub[s]tan[c]es, [th]en [th]ere was [s]till no [c]on[s]i[s]tent way to [c]al[c]u[l]ate the [d]eg[r]ee of al[t]e[r][a]tion [t]o a men[t]al [s]t[a]te a[c][r]o[s]s [p]eo[p]le of [d]i[f]fe[r]ent walk[s] of [l]i[f]e, [p]e[r]iod. Bar[r]ett [m]ight not ex[p]e[r]ien[c]e the [s]ame [m]ental sh[i][f]t a[f]ter the [c]on[s]um[p]tion of a [f][r]esh [s]t[i][c]k of [c]e[l]e[r]y that [C][l]oud would, [e]ven i[f] the [c]e[l]e[r][y] it[s]el[f] [r]emained en[t]irel[y] [s][t]atic. [W][a]l[k]ing a[c]ro[s]s the [W][a]shington [S]treet [b]ridge, [C]loud [d]ran[k] [f]rom a [t]iny [w]ater [b]ottle [f][i]lled w[i]th [M]ez[c]al and [d]i[d]n’t [f]eel in[t]oxi[c][a]ted i[n] a[n]y w[ay], sh[a][p]e, or [f]orm - any [m]ore than [h]ad [h]e been [d]rin[k]ing [a] [c]u[p] [o]f [c]of[f]ee, or [ea]ting a [d]el[i]c[i]ous [s]n[a]ck, or re[c][ei]ving a [s][p]e[c]i[f]i[c] thought. [I]n h[i]s m[i]nd at the t[i]me there was no [t]rue [d][i]v[i]sion [b]e[t]ween in[t]oxi[c]ation and so[b][r]iety, and this was [C][l]oud’s final [c]on[c][l]usion - [r]egard[l][e]ss of wh[e]ther or not Bar[r]ett ag[r]e[e]d - [a]s he [s]omewhat [a]nxious[l][y] [s]ent [T]if[a] [a] [t]ext m[e][s]sage [l][e]tting her know he was “[t]a[k]ing a wal[k],” just in [c]a[s]e she [a]rrived at his [a]partment be[f]ore he [f][i]n[i]shed [s][l]ugging down one [l]a[s]t [b]eer [a]t the [b]ar th[a]t he [w]as [w]alking to.

III: 1403:1994 .704

“[W]ell, no,” [w]ere the two [w]ords C[l]oud began [w]ith as he ex[p][l]ained [th]at his [p]oint was [th]at [th]ere was a [s][i]gn[i]f[i][c]ant d[i][s]t[i]n[c]tion be[t]w[ee]n the [t]wo, m[ea]ning [d][i]nner and [d]r[i]nks! - that if you [m]a[k]e it out [l]i[k]e it’s just [d]rin[k][s] and then [l]a[s]t [m]i[n]ute it [b]e[c]omes [d]i[n]ner? - then yeah [C][l]oud’s gonna [b]e a [l]ittle [f]u[c]king [p]i[s]sed o[f]f! E[s][p]eciall[y] i[f] h[e] [d]i[d]n’t k[n][o]w the [f]u[c]king [p]eo[p]le, you k[n][o]w [A]e[r]ith? How did that ma[k]e [a]ny [s]en[s]e? He [f]ound it [a] [b]it [a][b][s]urd, [f][r]an[k]ly. Sure, he’d go [t][i]e one or [t]wo on with a [t]otal [s]tr[a]nger, that was f[i]ne, but to [s]it [d]own [a]nd [a][c]tually e[n]g[a]ge in a [d][i]nner? - that was a[n] e[n]tirely [d][i][s]t[i]n[c]t [l]evel of [s]ocia[l]izing, and it [w]as [o]ne that, [f]ran[k][l][y], [C][l]oud [d]i[d]n’t parti[c]u[l]ar[l][y] [c]are [f]or. [A]nd he wasn’t ashamed to [a]dm[i]t [i]t! - th[a]t, [f]r[a]n[k][l]y, he [f]elt th[i][s] [Ph][i][l][i][s]tine n[o]tio[n] of ju[s]t g[o]i[n]g out to [d]inner with an[y] and ever[y] a[c]quaintan[c]e, that [i]f you [d]i[d]n’t a[c]quie[s]ce to [th]at [s]tan[d]ard [th]en you [w]ould b[e] [d]e[e]med, [w]hat? - ant[i]-s[o]cial? [W]ell [c]o[l]or [C][l]oud ant[i]-s[o]cial then! [B]ut Aerith n[o]ted that while, sure, to [b]e [f]air, it was a di[f]ferent [l]evel of s[o]cia[l]ization, if he tru[l][y] [d]i[d]n’t k[n][o]w the [p]eo[p]le, but, you k[n][o]w, if it was he[r] [p]e[r][s]onal[l][y]? [S]u[p]posing it was Aerith, then she’d h[o][p]e that it woul[d]n’t [b]e that [b]ig of a [d]eal [t]o [C]l[ou]d? [T]o just go [ou]t to [d][i]nner? Was she k[i][d]ding him?! Oh, of [c]ourse not, Ae[r]ith! With her? You fu[c]king [k]id[d]ing? [C]loud [w]as al[w]ays [d]own to g[r]ab a [n]osh with s[o]me[o]ne li[k]e her, [n][o], it was just [th]at [th]e hypo[th]eti[c]al [n][o]tion of [ea]ting [s]u[p]per with a [c]om[p][l][e]te [s]tranger (“a mo[r]e o[r] [l]e[s]s [c]om[p][l]ete [s]tranger”) - [w]hat [w]ere they di[s][c]u[s]sing? [C]loud and the hy[p]otheti[c]al stranger? [D]id [h]e [h]ave to [c]ome [p]re[p]ared with a [p]ortf[o][l]i[o] of tal[k]ing [p]oints? - [C][l]oud [c]oul[d]n’t [i]magine [th]at [th]ey’d b[e] [s]u[p]er [i]ntr[i]gued with an[y]thing [h]e [h]ad to [s]ay, or [th]at [th]ey’d [e]nd u[p] on the [p]r[e][c]i[p]i[c]e of [a]ny r[e]v[e]lation that he’d [c]on[c][l]ude to b[e] [p]arti[c]u[l]ar[l][y] en[l]ighten[i]ng [e]ither. [C][l]oud was [s]im[p][l]y going by [e]m[p]i[r]i[c]al [e]viden[c]e [r]ea[l]ly. That [w]as all. He [w]asn’t, [l][i][k]e, tr[y]ing to be a dick or [a]nything! Ju[s]t that, [e]m[p]iri[c]a[l]l[y] [s][p][e]a[k]ing, it [s][e]emed un[l]i[k]e[l][y] they’d have [a] lot to [c]onver[s]e [a][b]out, [C]loud and [th]i[s] hy[p]o[th]eti[c]al [s]tranger. [B]ut [A]erith [a]dded that, to [b]e fair, [w]asn’t [C]loud the [o]ne who [w]as al[w][ay]s r[ai]ling again[s]t [s]o-[c]alled [s]en[s]ory data? Yet, in thi[s] [c][a][s]e, he was [a]ll [b]ent [ou]t of sh[a][p]e [a][b][ou]t this im[p]rom[p]tu [d]inner [b]e[c]ause, in his own words, [b]e[c]ause of [e]m[p]i[r]i[c]al [d]ata? Of [p]a[s]t [e]x[p]e[r]ien[c]e, [w]hich [w]as [s]en[s]o[r]y [d]ata? [M]e[m]o[r]ies, [r]ight? [W]hich, [w]ouldn’t [C]loud ag[r]ee, was [s]ome of the mo[s]t un[r]eli[a][b]le [d][a]ta [a]v[ai]la[b]le no? Of [c]our[s]e he [d]id! Aer[i]th, ev[e]n [f]u[ck]ing [q]uantum [ph][y]s[i][c]s was [s]till [f]un[d]amentally [s]en[s]e-[f]orward, in the [s]en[s]e [th]at [th]ey were beg[i]nn[i]ng w[i]th [s]en[s]e [p]er[c]e[p]tion - this [w]as [w]hat [c]ontem[p]o[r]a[r]y [s]o-[c]alled [s]cien[c]e had [a]chieved [o]f [c]our[s]e! [P]la[c]ing [s]en[s]e [p]er[c]e[p]tion [a]s [a]n a[p]ex [p]re[d]ator un[t]il [f]inally, with the [d]i[s][c]ove[r]y of [q]uan[t]um [ph][y]s[i][c]s, [i]t’d [r]e[d]u[c]ed the obse[r]vable wo[r]ld to a [d]egr[e]e that [e]ven [l]inear [s]en[s]e-[p]er[c]e[p]tion no [l]onger [m]ade any fu[ck]ing [s]en[s]e in the u[p]per [w]orlds! [Th]at [w]as [w]hat [th]ey’d done. [A]nd [q]uite [s][m]ugly [a]t [t]imes [t]]oo! But [w]asn’t that [w]hat [C]loud [w]as [d]oing w[i]th th[i]s im[p]en[d][i]ng [d][i]nner? Ae[r]ith [q]ue[r]ied him on thi[s] [p]oint. Well, [C]loud [s]u[p]posed [th]at, [th]in[k]ing [a]bout it [a]gain, yeah, he was [k]ind of a[c]ting li[k]e a [q]uantum [ph][y]s[i]c[i]st a b[i]t, [w]asn’t he? [W]ell, Aerith [w]as just saying - to [th]e [e]xtent [th]at his argu[m]ent was [f]unda[m][e]ntally [e]mpirical. But it was [k]ind of [i]n[t]uitive [i]n a [s]en[s]e [t]oo, his argument, i[n] [C]loud’s opi[n]ion. H[e] agr[e]ed with A[e]rith to the [e]xtent that, ye[s], he was [b]a[s]ing his [d]i[s]gu[s]t [p]artially on [e]m[p]irical [e]vi[d]en[c]e, [b]ut he’d [a]l[s]o [a]ll[e]ge that he f[e]lt a[n] i[n][t]uitive [d]i[s]gu[s]t with these [t]y[p]es of [s]ocial g[a]therings [a]s well, and then [h]e, [t]o [h]er [p]oint, [t]o [b]e [b][l]unt, [d][i]d [t]end [t]o [d][i]p i[n][t]o the world of em[p]iri[c]ism to va[l]i[d]ate [s]aid i[n][t]uitive [d]i[s]gu[s]t. Although, [t]e[c]hni[c]al[l][y], they should [p]ro[b]a[bl][y] [b][e] a [l]ittle [c]autious to ev[e]n [e]m[p][l]oy the word [e]m[p]iri[c]ism here, be[c]ause he [d][i][d]n’t th[i]n[k] em[p]iri[c]ism [n]e[c]e[s]sa[r]il[y] [n][e]eded to b[e] [r]e[s]t[r]i[c]ted to [s]en[s]e-[p]er[c]e[p]tion [n]e[c]e[s]sa[r]il[y], you k[n]ow? Ae[r]ith [s]u[p]posed the[r]e, ye[s], was [p][r]o[b]a[b]ly [a]n [e]m[p]i[r]i[c]ism of the intel[l]igi[b]le [r][e]alm as w[e]ll? Hone[s]t[l][y], to C[l]oud - it was [c]ertain[l][y] [p]o[s]si[b]le that h[e] may[b][e] wasn’t [e]ven in the [b]e[s]t mind [s]tate to even [a][s]se[s]s it [o]ne [w]ay or [a]nother. [A]erith too[k] [a]dvantage of this [c]apitu[l][a]tion to [s]ay sh[e]’d [r][e][c]ent[l][y] had [a] d[r][e]am [a]b[ou]t [C]l[ou]d - would [h]e mind [h]earing [h]er out? - [w]here he [w]as emailing her a [q]ues[ti]on [a]bout whether [a] [s][p]e[c]i[f]i[c] a[c][t]ion was [d]e[f]ined as ‘in[s]i[d]er tra[d]in[g]’, while she was [p]roce[s]sin[g] [s]ome non-[d]e[s][c]ri[p]t ‘or[d]ers’ for [s]omething in a bath t[u]b, which [c]on[s]i[s]ted [o]f, for [s]ome [r]eason, w[a]shing [l]arge ch[o][c]o[l]ate [c]oo[k]ies [d]own the [d][r]ain, [w]atching [th]em as [th]ey [s][l]ow[l]y [d][i]s[i]nteg[r]ated un[d]er the hot [w]ater. Then, after [th]at, [r]ea[l]izing [th]at [th]e [c]oo[k]ies [r]e[l][a]ted to [C][l]oud’s [q]ue[s]tion about in[s]i[d]er [t][r][a]ding, she [c]on[t]emp[l][a]ted if [sh]e [sh]ould have [f][l]ushed them all [d]own the [d][r][ai]n be[f]ore an[s]we[r]ing the [q]ue[s]tion? [D]id she [d]o w[r]ong [b]y [C]loud [b]y washing these [c]oo[k]ies [p][r]eemptive[l][y] [d]own the [d][r]ain? If [C][l]oud [t][r]u[l][y] wan[t]ed the ‘order [p][r]o[c]e[ss]ed,’ [s]o to [s][p]ea[k]. In a [s][e]n[s]e Aerith [f][e]lt an a[f]f[i]n[i]t[y] [f]or the [c]oo[k][ie]s, [d]i[d]n’t sh[e], [C]loud in[f]erred. [C][l]oud [p]ostu[l]ated [th]at she [f]elt [l]i[k]e [th]ey were [a][c]tual [b]eings [a]s she [c][r]um[b]led [th]em [d]own [th]e un[f]org[i]v[i]ng [d][r]ain [w]ith the [s][c]orching hot [w]ater? In [r]et[r]o[s]pe[c]t, [A]e[r]ith [a]d[m]itted [th]at [th]at [m][ay] have been the [c][a][s]e. [C][l]oud [n][o]ted [th]at [th]ere was a [c]ertain [l]evel of g[n][o][s]is ach[ie]ved through [c]ontem[p][l]ating your dr[ea]ms - yet was there any to [b][e] g[l][ea]ned from [p]artici[p][a]ting in [d]ou[b]le [d][a]te [d]inners? [A]erith [a]dmitted she’d [b]een [c][l]inging onto the fa[c]t of the [c]oo[k]ies [b]eing washed [d]own the [d]rain, and she knew [C][l]oud had a [p]ar[t]icu[l]ar [t]a[l]ent when [i]t [c]ame to [i]n[t]er[p][r]eting [d][r]eams. W[e]ll th[e]n [l][e]t’s [s][e]e here, [C][l]oud [c]on[t]em[p][l]ated, the [d]i[s]so[l]ution of a [s]w[e]et [f]ood in an [a][p]par[a]tu[s] [u]sual[l]y [u]sed t[o] [c][l]ean your[s]el[f]? [B][u]t with a [t]rans[a][c]tional, a[b][u]tting [c][a][p]ita[l]i[s]t un[d]er[t]one. [A]nd [A]erith was [d]oing it, [p]erh[a][p]s unint[e]ntional[l]y, for [s]omeone [e]lse ([C][l][ou]d), with[ou]t their k[n]ow[l]edge, and [n]ot on[l]y [w]ith[ou]t their k[n]ow[l]edge but [w]hile [i]g[n]oring their [i]n[q]uir[y] - a[c]tual[l][y], [C]loud guessed it [w]as h[i]s [i]n[q]uir[y] te[c]h[n]i[c]all[y], about [w]hether it [w]as [l]egal, as a[p]parent[l][y] this was [s]omehow [p]otential[l][y] ‘in[s]ider trading’? So sh[e] was [r][e][p]ur[p]o[s]ing [a]n [a][p]pa[r][a]tus for [c][l]eansing the bo[d]y to [d]e[s]troy [l]arge, [l]ife-[l]i[k]e [p]ie[c]es [o]f [u]nhealthy [f]ood [f]or [C]l[ou]d, [w]ith[ou]t his [c]on[s]ent, [C][l]oud mean[w]hile [w]on[d]ering i[f] [d]e[s]troying thi[s] jun[k] [f]ood in a b[a]th tub was [a][c]tua[l]l[y] i[l]l[e]gal? Of [c]our[s]e in any [d]ream they al[s]o should [c]on[s]i[d]er [w]hether [w]h[a]t [w][a]s [r]e[p][r]esented [w]as [a] [r]e[p][r]esen[t]ation [o]f [a]nother [r]e[p][r]esen[t]ation, [m]ea[n]ing [m]ayb[e] [n]ot [a]n [a][n]a[l]og[y] [a]t all? But i[f] they [p][r]o[c][e]e[d]ed as i[f] [w]hat [w]as [r]e[p][r]esented in Ae[r]ith’s [d][r][e]am a[p]p[e]ared as [i]t was [i]n[t]en[d]ed [t]o a[p]pear, [th]en [th]at would b[e] a [d][e][c]ent [s]tart. [S]o, in a [s]en[s]e, Aerith [th]ought, [th]at sh[e] was [c][l][e]aning [p]arti[c]u[l]ar attributes of [C][l][ou]d with[o]ut his [p]erm[i]ss[i]on, [w]hile [C][l]oud [w]as th[i]n[k][i]ng - [p]erha[p]s [s]u[s][p]e[c]ting - that [c][l]eansing him[s]elf [i]n th[i]s w[ay] m[ay] h[a]ve [a][c]tual[l]y been a [t]y[p]e of insider [t]rading, it [c]ould have been a ve[r][y] [s]er[i]ou[s] [c][r]ime. [C]loud [n][o]ted that - Ae[r]ith, [c][l]eaning your[s]elf was b[a][s]i[c]a[l]ly [a] [c][r]ime [a]gain[s]t [th]e [s]t[a]te [th]ese d[ay]s. [N][o] [s]urprise [th]ere! Al[th]ough [C]loud [l][i][k]ed a [n][i]ce [c]oo[k]ie [e]very [n]ow and th[e]n, he [d]i[d]n’t [n]e[c]e[s]sarily [f]ind a[n]ything th[a]t [b][a]d a[b]out [ea]ting a [f]ew [c]oo[k]ies on o[c]casion, but [C]loud also [f]ound it intr[i]guing that Aerith [p]ersonally [i]denti[f][i]ed with [th]e [c]oo[k]ies as [th]ey [b][r]o[k]e a[p]art and tum[b]led [d]own the [d][r]ain, that she [s]aw a [c]ertain goodnes[s], a [s]pe[c]i[f]i[c] [b]eing w[i]th[i]n them, and [s]u[b][s]e[q]uently [f]elt a [s][a]dne[s]s [a]t the [f][a]ct they h[a]d to [b]e washed [d]own the [d]rain of this [b][a]th tub. Even what’s fundamental[l][y] [b]ad for you isn’t [n]e[c]e[s]sari[l][y] [b]ad, Aerith [n]oted. [B]ut ye[s], it was [s]ad to [s]ee them [f][a]ll [a]part in [a] [b]ath t[u]b [f][au][c]et, h[u]h? “[E]ven the [r]unning shoes you n[ee]d to [t]o[s]s in[t]o the [t][r]ash are e[t]ernal,” Cloud [s]aid.

IV: 1332:1960 .680

Cloud was [f]or sure [f][i]ne [w]ith [w]h[a]tever Ti[f]a [w][a]nted to [s][a]y to him (“I al[w][a]ys [w][a]nt you to [s]peak your m[i]nd!”), [b]ut he just [w][a]sn’t going to [b]ack off his [w]ell-[d]eveloped (in his m[i]nd) [i][d]ea [th]at [th]e [i]n[s][t]itution [i]t[s]elf (as a [c]on[c]ept) was ba[s]i[c]ally [r]e[s]t[r][i][c]t[i]ve, [th]at [th]ey shouldn’t ne[c]e[s]s[ar]ily [c][ar]e what’s th[e][r]e in the [c]ontainer (“[C]atego[r][y] theo[r][y]!”), but al[s][o] that e[r][o][s] [w]as a g[a]te[w][a]y. Ti[f]a ju[s]t wasn’t [c]ertain th[a]t e[n]gaging i[n] [th][a]t in the bar, [a][f]ter hours - she [d]i[d]n’t kn[o]w, was th[a]t [a][c]tual[l]y ap[p][r][o][p][r]iate, [C][l]oud? [E]v[e]n [i]f sh[e] wan[t]ed [t]o [d]o [i]t! [I]n the [b]ar?! Of [c]our[s]e, [C][l]oud total[l]y un[d]er[s]tood, [b]ut, again - ju[s]t to [r]eite[r][a]te - e[r]os was a g[a]tew[a]y. [I]t [d][i][d]n’t have to [b]e a[b]out, you know, purely that. [W]hat? - [w]as [T]i[f]a [n]ow gon[n][a] [a][l]low her[s]el[f] to [b][e] [t]y[r]an[n]ical[l][y] [r]e[s]t[r]ained [b]y the [i]n[s]t[i]tutio[n]al [n]orms of Shin[r]a, et al? [W]as that [n][ow] h[ow] she [w]as go[n]na [l]ive her [l]ife? - by the [c]ontem[p]uous [r]ules of [Sh]in[r]a? [Sh]e [c]ould [p]op that [p]ussy [w]ide o[p]en [w]henever she [w]an[t]ed [t]o! - if sh[e] r[e]all[y] [w]an[t]ed [t]o, ev[e]n [i]f [i]t was ju[s]t [s]u[p]er [q]u[i][c]k[l][y]! ([W]hat exa[c]t[l][y] [w]as the tem[p]e[r]ature in the [r]oom?) There wasn’t an[y]th[i]ng [i]nhe[r]entl[y] [o]ut [o]f [b][ou]nds [a][b][ou]t an[y] of that, [a]ssuming the [c]orr[e][c]t [c]ont[e]xt, [b]e[c]ause - [w]ell, no, [C]loud [w]asn’t [s]aying he [w]as in [s]u[pp]ort of [i]nd[i][s][c]r[i]m[i]nate [p]rom[i][s][c]uit[y] - [n]o, [n]ot at all! It [n][ee]ded to b[e] [r][i]go[r]ou[s] - [p]erhaps [e]ven [r][i]tual[i][s]t[i]c, and h[e] wasn’t [e]ven [s]ugge[s]ting [T][i]fa should i[p][s][o] [f]a[c]t[o] ju[s]t [q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te [p]o[p] that [p]u[s]sy [o][p]en to [s][p]ite the m[o][r]al n[o][r]ms of Shinra - it was a[c]tually the o[p]posite! No, [C]loud was [s]im[p]ly a[s]serting [sh]e [sh]ouldn’t not ma[k]e [b]eautiful [l]ove in [S][e]v[e]nth H[ea]v[e]n [s]im[p][l]y [b]e[c]ause of [s]ome [s]o[c]ietal Shinra [c]ode - [sh]e [sh]ouldn’t al[l]ow her[s]el[f], Ti[f]a, to [b][e] [r]egu[l]ated [b]y a[n] i[n][s]titutional e[n]tity whose [p][r]i[m]a[r]y [p]ur[p]o[s]e was the em[p][l]oy[m]ent of the univer[s]al [r]e[s]t[r]i[c]tion. To [C][l]oud it [w]asn’t in any [w][ay], sh[a][p]e, or [f]o[r]m Shi[n]ra’s [p]la[c]e to e[n][f]o[r][c]e a[n]y u[n]iver[s]al [r]e[s]t[r]i[c]tions what[s]oever. [F]u[c]k Shin[r]a [s][p]e[c][i][f][i][c]ally and [f]u[c]k the [i]n[s]t[i]tution in a more generi[c] [s]en[s]e. [U]gh, sh[u]t [u]p [C]loud! He [w]as [k]idding, [w]asn’t he? Oh yeah! - [C]loud ad[m][i]tted [i]t was [c]ertain[l]y [p]o[s]sible he was [e]xaggerating [c]ertain [e][l]e[m]ents of his argu[m]e[n]t i[n]te[n]tiona[l]ly, i[n] terms of the [w]h[o]le - [w]ell, you k[n][o]w - [n][o], he [w]asn’t [s]ugge[s][t]ing [T]ifa should “[p]o[p] that [p]u[s]sy” in the [b]ar! No, that [w]as a[b][s]urd! Unle[s]s she [w]an[t]ed [t]o! [B]e[c]ause if she wan[t]ed [t]o [T]i[f]a should know that [C]loud [t]oo[k] no o[ff]en[s]e, li[k]e, at all! [Th]ey both [l][au][gh]ed [a]t them[s]elves, but [d]i[d]n’t he, [C][l]oud, in the [a]bstr[a][c]t [k]ind of h[a]ve a [p]oint? No, ju[s]t [l]i[s]ten for a [s]e[c]ond, [C][l]oud [s]aid, [p]l[ea]se T[i][f]a - h[e] knew she [f]elt [a]n [a]nxiety, [f]rom [t][i]me [t]o [t][i]me, and a[c]cording to [C][l]oud it was a[c]tua[l]l[y] en[t]ire[l][y] po[s]sible [th]at it was [th]e anxiet[y] of the younger [S]o[c]rat[e]s. Namel[y], it was [th]is anx[i]et[y] [th]at T[i][f]a, sh[e] [f]elt [l][i]ke she m[i]ght have [f]a[l]le[n] i[n]to a pit of “b[o]ttomle[s]s n[o]n[s]en[s]e” - this [i]dea [th]at [th]ere [c]ould be an a[c]tual [c]on[c]eptual [i]dea beh[i]nd all phe[n]ome[n]a th[a]t h[a]d e[v]e[r] o[c]cu[r]red, th[a]t e[v]e[r]y [a][c]tion she too[k] had some [c]apital-[I] [I]de[a] [b]eh[i]nd or [a][b]ove it, that eve[r][y] [s]ingle [s]en[s]o[r][y] [p]er[c]e[p]tion, eve[r][y] [s]ingle [m]o[m]ent [o]f their l[i]ves [e][m]erged fr[o]m [s][o]me [c]on[c]eptual [I]dea [b]eh[i]nd it, that [i]deas them[s]elves [b]e[c]ame [s]u[b]-a[t]omi[c] [p]arti[c]les which [b]ecome mul[t]i[p]l[i]ed i[n]to a[n] i[n]f[i][n][i]te (“[s]eeming!”) [n]on[s]en[s]e. It was [a]n [e]xt[r]eme vertigo to [e]x[p]e[r]ien[c]e that with[ou]t a d[ou]bt! - and [C]l[ou]d was all [t]oo [f]amiliar with that [t]y[p]e of [m]adnes[s] him[s]el[f]! In [f]a[c]t, his [e]ntire [e]x[p][e]rien[c]e in the [e]ther, [s]o to [s]p[ea]k, was funda[m]entall[y] in ag[r][ee][m]ent w[i]th th[i]s anxiet[y] of young [S]o[c][r]at[e]s. B[u]t wh[a]t [C]loud would [s]ay in [r]e[s]ponse, [t]o [T]i[f]a, [t]o him[s]el[f], to [S]o[c][r]ates - [w]hat [C]loud [w]ould [s]ay in [r]e[p]ly is exactly what [P]armen[i]d[e]s [s]aid to this young [S]o[c][r]at[e]s him[s]elf, [th]at [th]i[s] anxiet[y] was a[n] a[n]xiet[y] of youth (“[C][l]oud, we’re b[a][s]i[c]a[l]l[y] the exa[c]t [s][a]me [a]ge . . .”), [o]ne that [w]ould be ext[i]ngu[i]shed [w]hen sh[e]’d “learned not to despise any of [th][e]se [th]ings.” In [sh][or]t, Ti[f]a [sh]ouldn’t a[l]low [Sh]in[r]a [m][or]es - or, [f][r]an[k][l]y, i[n][s]titutional [m]ores [f]rom anywhere el[s]e for th[a]t [m][a]tter! - to i[n]ter[f]ere with her own p[r]o[c]e[ss]es. That [w]as all [C][l]oud [w]as [s]aying [r][e]al[l][y]. I[f] [T][i][f]a [w]an[t]ed [t][o] d[o] th[a]t [a]t [S][e]v[e]nth H[e]av[e]n, [th][e]n, sure, [th]at [w]as [f]ine! [W]ell, T[i][f][a] [a][p]pr[e]ciated the [k]ind [w]ords, [e]ven [i][f] [i]t was an [a]w[k]ward subject for [C]loud of all [p][e]o[p]le to [b][e] [b]roaching, given the [f][a][c]t th[a]t it was [k]ind of [b][l]atant[l]y obvious [th]at it was [C][l]oud [th]at T[i]fa would [p]ro[b]a[b][l][y] do that with in the [b]ar. [W]hy [w]ould they [k]id [o]ne [a]nother [a][b]out that! [B]ut for [C]loud’s [p]art - no he [d]i[d]n’t [c]are [o]ne [w]ay or the other - he ju[s]t [th]ought [th]at [w]hen [s]ome[o]ne [s][p]ent a [d]e[c]ent [ch]unk of time in [th][e] [e][th]er [th]at it [ch]anged [th]eir [p]er[s][p]e[c]tive on that [k]ind of shit  - what [c]on[c][l]usion, after [a]ll, should they d[r][aw] f[r]om the [c]ontem[p][l]ation of [s]en[s]i[b]le o[b]je[c]ts? If she [w]an[t]ed [t]o [b]end [o]ver in her [o]wn [b]ar, it [w]asn’t [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al[l]y [ou]t of [b][ou]nds to him in the [l]ea[s]t. [L]i[k]e he [s]aid, to [s]ome [e]xtent [e]ros [w]as a g[a]te[w][a]y - they shouldn’t view it [s]im[p][l][y] organi[c]al[l][y] or [p]ure[l][y] [s]en[s]i[b][l][y] [e]ven [i]f [i]t was to some [e][x]tent [e][x]istent in[e][x]t[r]ica[b][l][y] w[i]th[i]n those [r]ealms, at [l]ea[s]t from their [p]er[s][p][e]ctives in their [b]odies or [w]hat[e]ver. A g[a]te[w][a]y to [w]hat though, [T]i[f]a [w]on[d]ered. [T]o a [d]i[f]ferent [t]ype of knowledge [C]loud [c]on[f]irmed. Wasn’t he agai[n][s]t [s]e[n]sual empi[r]i[c]ism, Ti[f]a [q]ue[r]ied - [b]ut [C][l]oud [q]ui[c]k[l]y [c]ountered that it was [b][y] am[p]lif[y]ing the [s]en[s]o[r]y ex[p]e[r]ien[c]e, by [s][p]eeding it u[p] [th]at [th]e [s]en[s]o[r]y ex[p]e[r]ien[c]e it[s]el[f] was t[r]an[s]cended - that was the whole [g][a]tew[a]y [p]art. A[g]ain, [C][l]oud wasn’t arguing for any of th[i]s [i]nd[i]s[c]r[i]m[i]nate[l]y! - he was in[s]tead m[a][k]ing the [c][a][s]e [th]at [th]ese ampl[i]f[i][c]ations [c]ouldn’t b[e] [c]omp[l][e]te[l][y] [c]ut o[f]f! - [th]at i[f] “o[th]er [b][i]tter and [b][i]lious humors wan[d]er a[b]out in the [b]o[d]y and find no [e]xit or esca[p]e, [b]ut are [p]ent u[p] w[i]th[i]n and [m]ingle their own va[p]ors with the [m][o]tions of the [s][ou]l, and are [b]len[d]ed with [th]em, [th]ey [p]ro[d]uce all [s]orts of [d]iseases.” That ju[s]t li[k]e [p]arti[c]les of matter [c]ould be s[p]ed u[p] to [c][r]e[a]te anti-[g][r]avit[a]tional w[a]ves, the [s]en[s]o[r]y or[g]ans [c]ould [b]e [s]imi[l]ar[l]y [s][p]ed in order [t]o [t][r]an[s]cend them[s]elves, [b]a[s]i[c]a[l]l[y]. [C][l]oud made a d[e][c]ent [p]oint, [b]ut [h]ad [h]e [h]eard [b]a[c]k from [B]iggs and [W]edge - [w]ere they g[o]ing to ma[k]e it to [th]e little [th]ing Tifa was h[o][s]ting that [S]unday? She ju[s]t [n]eeded to, you k[n]ow, g[e]t a d[e][f]inite h[e]ad [c]ount so she [c]ould k[n]ow how much [f]ood sh[e]’d [n][e]ed. [C]loud [h]adn’t [h]eard ba[c]k, and [f][r]an[k]l[y] h[e] was [f]inding it a l[i]ttle [r][i]d[i][c]u[l]ou[s] [a]t th[a]t point - be[c]ause at the ver[y] [l][ea][s]t, to [C][l]oud, they [c]ould at [l]ea[s]t R[S][V][P] one way or [th]e o[th]er. Sure, of [c]our[s]e, eros was a g[a]tew[a]y - there [c]ouldn’t be a totally univer[s]al [r]e[s]tri[c]tion op[p]r[e]s[s]ing [e]very [s]ingle mem[b]er of a [s]o[c]iety, [b]ut at the [s]ame time if a [p]er[s]on [c]ouldn’t RS[V][P] to [a]n [e]vent they ba[s]i[c]all[y] should [s]tart [ea]ting mud out of t[r]oughs with [p]igs, in C[l]oud’s view at [l][ea]st! [P][eo][p]le who [r]efused to RS[V][P] [t]o events in a [t]imely [m]anner [r]eally had no [p][l]a[c]e in [p]o[l]ite [s]o[c]iety! - or, for th[a]t [m][a]tter, in any [s]o[c]iety! That was [C][l]oud’s [p]er[s][p]e[c]tive at [l][ea][s]t! And T[i][f]a ag[r][ee]d! [F][r]an[k][l][y], sh[e] was getting a [l]ittle [f][r]u[s]t[r]ated with the whole [p][r]o[c]e[s]s. She was, in her m[i]nd, doing a n[i][c]e [th]ing - [th]rowing an Avalanche [q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te [S][u]nday [F][u]nd[a]y, but sh[e] ju[s]t [n][e]eded to k[n]ow a head [c]ount [A][S][A][P]. It [w]as alrea[d]y [W]ednes[d]ay [n]ight! [C][l]oud [n]oted [th]at [th]ey’d sent out the invi[t]ations, [l]i[k]e, [t]wo weeks [b][a][c]k, and they [h][a]dn’t even [h]eard [b][a][c]k from [h][a]lf of the po[t]ential a[tt]end[e]es, which [a][c]tuall[y] [m]oved [C]loud to [th]ink [th]at [m]ayb[e] T[i]fa should ju[s]t [c][a]n[c]el the whole d[a]mn thing! [B]ut, no, [T]ifa was right - it was [t]oo [l]ate to [c][a]n[c]el, [b]e[c]ause then she’d [l]oo[k] [l]i[k]e the [a][s]shole. [C][l]oud [th]ought [th]at [m]ay[b]e that was [p][r]efe[r]a[b]le! [M]ay[b]e that’s what [n]ee[d]ed to ha[pp]en! There [n][e]e[d]ed to [b][e] some [r]ules to this shit, [r]ight?

V: 1768:2478 .713

[C][l]oud [a][s][k]ed [B][a][r]rett [p]oint [b][l][a]n[k] [r]ight in [S][e]v[e]nth H[ea]v[e]n: [W]hat [w]as [c][a][p]ita[l]ism [r]ea[l]ly? - [b]e[c]ause that’s [w]hat he [w]as [a][c]tual[l][y] [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al[l][y] o[p]p[o]sed to [v]is-a-[v]is Shinra, [n][o]? The [m]a[s]s [p]rodu[c]tion of [m]a[k][o] e[n]ergy - was that [n]ot [f]unda[m]ental[l]y ju[s]t [f]ree [m]ar[k]et [c]a[p]ita[l][i]sm at [i]ts [f]ine[s]t? - and there[f]ore wasn’t [c]a[p]ita[l]ism ju[s]t [f]unda[m]ental[l][y] a [s]ingu[l]a[r]it[y] of [s]orts, ju[s]t a [c]om[p][l]ete evi[s]ce[r]ation of [m]e[m]o[r][y], to [th]e ex[t]ent [th]at [m]e[m]o[r]y is [th]e [c]on[t]ext in [w]hich [w]e [c]on[s]tru[c]t our[s]elves, our [s]o[c]ieties? [C][l]oud a[s]serted th[a]t [c][a][p]ita[l][i]sm [d][i][d]n’t g[i]ve a fu[c]k about th[a]t [a]t all! - sim[p][l]y [b]e[c]ause [c]a[p]ita[l]ism [c]oul[d]n’t, [b]e[c]ause if [c]a[p]ita[l]ism [d]i[d]n’t [r]uth[l]e[s]s[l]y [p]ur[s]ue [m]axi[m]um [p][r]ofits, then [s]ome[o]ne el[s]e [w]ould. [C][l]oud eventua[l]l[y] [a][s]ked B[a]r[r]]ett if [c][a][p]ita[l]ism [a][c]tual[l][y] [c]on[s]i[s]ted of [m]e[m]o[r][y] [a]t all? [B]ut [B]ar[r]ett [d]i[d]n’t [f]u[c]king know. The [f]u[c]k [d]id h[e] [e]ven [c]are - he was a[tt]empting [t]o ma[k]e an a[c]tive [d]ifference [i]n th[i]ngs. No, [i]t [d][[i][d]n’t at all, [d][i]d [i]t? [C]a[p]ita[l]ism was the [s]ingu[l]ar fo[c]u[s] [s]ans [m]e[m]ory [p]ar ex[c]e[l]len[c]e - it [s]ought a[n] i[n][c]rea[s]e at whatever the [c]o[s]t, [r]egardl[e][s]s of the [c]ont[e]xt - d[r]iven by [th]e hy[p]o[th]eti[c]al o[th]er, [th]e hy[p]o[th]eti[c]al o[th]er [m]oving [c]a[p]ita[l]ism to [c]om[p][l][e]te[l][y] ignore [m]e[m]or[y] ho[l]isti[c]a[l]l[y]. The on[l]y [c]ontext [i]n wh[i]ch [c]a[p]ita[l]ism would [e]ven [r]e[m]otel[y] [c]onsider [m]e[m]o[r]y was [i]n [i]ts [f]uture [f]ore[c]asts, but even those ty[p]es of [r]e[p]orts were [f]unda[m]entally [m]yo[p][i][c] [i]n [c]ha[r]a[c]ter, weren’t they? [P]lu[s] “[p]a[s]t [p]er[f]or[m]an[c]e [i]sn’t [i]nd[i][c]ative of [f]uture results!” And even a [f]ive year [f]ore[c]ast would [b][a][s]i[c]ally ju[s]t [c]over the [a]ttention [s]pa[n] of [a] [b][e]ta [f]ish in [th]e gra[n]d [s]cheme of [th]ings. No, [C][l]oud [s]aid, [c]a[p]ita[l]ism [c][l]ear[l]y o[p]erated [s][a]ns [m]e[m]o[r][y], [a]s a [s]ingu[l]arit[y] - and there[f]ore was [f]undamental[l]y an [a]gent of de[s]t[a]bi[l]ization [f]rom a [p]o[l]iti[c]al [s]tand[p]oint - h[e] was ag[r][e]eing with [B]a[r]rett! [B]a[r]rett wasn’t [s][e]e[k]ing agr[e]ement whe[n] [C][l]oud the[n] a[s]ked if there wasn’t al[s]o [s]omethin[g] a[b]uttin[g] divine to that [t]y[p]e of [s]ingu[l]arity - [t]o [C][l]oud it was al[m][o][s]t [l]i[k]e the r[a]di[a]tion [p]oisoning of [p]ure [m]a[k]o it[s]elf and shit, [n][o]? [C]a[p]ita[l]ism as a [s]ingu[l]a[r]ity [c]ontained a [d]ivine e[l]ement, [i]n [i]ts [r]a[d]i[c]al [r]e[j]ection of [m]e[m]o[r][y] [c]apita[l]ism was [c]ertainl[y] [d]ivine-adja[c]ent. It was [l]i[k]e [c]a[p]ita[l]ism [a]s [a]n un[f]][e]ttered [s][e]eking of in[c]r[e]a[s]e of [e]x[p]ansion [w]as [i]n [i]t[s]el[f] [s]omething [w]orthy of [p][r]aise in the [a]b[s]t[r][a][c]t, but for an [a][c]tual [s]en[s]ible [s]o[c]iety the em[p][l]oy[m]ent of unre[p]entant [c]a[p]ita[l]ism was the [m]o[s]t [d]e[s]tabi[l]izing and [s]elf-[d]e[s]tru[c]tive [p]o[l]iti[c]al [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]y you [c]ould ever [s]ub[s][c]ribe to! [C]a[p]ita[l]ism was m[a]gni[f]i[c]e[n]t i[n] the [a]bstr[a][c]t, [b]ut i[f] you [a][c]tually [s]u[b][s][c]ribed to [th]e [th]eo[r]y in [p][r][a][c]ti[c]e [th]en you would almo[s]t [d]ef[i]n[i]te[l][y], in [d]ue [t]ime, [t]otal[l][y] [d]e[s]t[r]oy your[s]elf and eve[r]ything a[r]ound you! Ultimate[l][y], Ba[r]rett [r]eite[r]ated that he [d]i[d]n’t [r]eal[l][y] have a [t]on of [t][i]me to [d]i[s][c]u[s]s these [t][y]pes of [d]e[t]ails - [ph]ilo[s]o[ph]i[c]al [d]i[s][c]ussions woul[d]n’t, a[f]ter [a][l]l, [f]un[d]a[m]entally [a][l]ter the [r]apid envi[r]on[m]ental [d]e[s]t[r]u[c]tion that was ongoing at the hands of Shinra! [C]loud [d]i[d]n’t [d]i[s]agree! Yet, at the [s]ame [t]ime, weren’t [th]e [t]wo of [th]em at [S][e]v[e]ntth H[e]av[e]n [d][r]in[k]ing [f]u[c]king [b]eers? How many [d][r]a[f]t [b]eers h[a]d they [d][r][a]n[k] [a]t th[a]t [p]oint? They weren’t gonna slow [d]own Shin[r]a’s [d]eg[r]a[d]ation of the [p]lanet via con[s]uming [d][r]aft [b][e]ers [e]ither! Shit, [b]r[o]. It was [l]i[k]e - [C][l]oud [a][c]tual[l]y w[o][k]e up th[a]t [m]or[n]ing thin[k]ing a[b]out [m]e[m]ory - [n]ot [c][a]pita[l]ism, [b]ut [m]e[m]ory at [l][e]a[s]t - [a][b]out [h]ow [h][e] [c]ould [b][e] him[s]el[f] [a][c]ro[s]s multi[p]le [p]lat[f]orms and shit, [b]ut how, with that in [m]ind, [m]e[m]ory [p]erha[p]s wasn’t a[t]tached to [B][e]ing it[s]el[f] [e]ither. [C][l]oud [w]as al[w]ays [c]on[c]ur[r]ently multi[p]le ite[r][a]tions of [h]im[s][e]lf, and [h]e [t]o [s]ome [e]xtent [p]ar[t]oo[k] in [B]eing a[c]ross those ite[r][a]tions, [b]ut at the same time - [th]e [th]ought o[cc]urred to [C]loud that [m]e[m]o[r]y wasn’t ne[c]e[s]sa[r]ily [a][tt][a]ched [t]o [B][e]ing [a]t all [t]imes [ei]ther? [B][e]ing and [m]e[m]o[r]y - [w]hat [w]as their ex[a][c]t [r]ela[ti]on[sh]ip? [Th]at [th]e soul [c]ould [f]un[d]a[m]entall[y] [b][e] eternal, [b]ut [i]f [i]ts [b][e]ing was [d]i[s]a[s]sociated [f]rom [m]e[m]or[y] as w[e] un[d]er[s]tood it then obviou[s]l[y] it would [k]ind of b[e] di[f]fi[c]ult to ve[r]i[f]y! As we [t]end [t]o [c]on[f]irm expe[r]iences via [m]e[m]o[r]y and shit. [B]arrett gul[p]ed [d]own his eighth [p][i]nt of Midgar [L][i]ght [b]ut that [d]i[d]n’t [d]eter [C][l]oud [f]rom [p][r]od[d]ing [f]urther at the [p]oint - [n]ame[l][y], that [f]unda[m]en[t]al[l][y] [c]a[p]ita[l]ism [c]on[t]ained [n]o [m]e[m]or[y], and Being itself [p]erha[p]s on[l][y] [p]a[r]tial[l][y] [p]a[r][t]oo[k] in [m]e[m]or[y]? Was [c]a[p]ita[l]ism a form of [b][e]ing? [N]o, it [c]ouldn’t [b][e]! - [n]ot unles[s] they too[k] a [s]t[a]ti[c] v[a]ntage [p]oint on a[n] i[n]f[i]n[i]te urge to i[n][c]rea[s]e and ex[p]and, which, to [s]ome exte[n]t, wasn’t [th]at [th]e [d]rive of the i[n][f][i]n[i]te, [w]hich [w]as [f]un[d]ame[n]tally the transce[n][d]e[n]t, [w]hich [w]as - [n]o [B]eing [c]oul[d]n’t [b]e [t]ran[s]cen[d]ent, [n]ot [t]otal[l]y, [r]ight? [C]loud [d]i[d]n’t thin[k] [s]o. Ba[r]rett [h]ad [h]ad enou[gh] of thi[s] [f]u[c]king shit! - [a]nd he [s][l][a]mmed his [m]ug of [M]idgar [L]ight on the [c]ounter and [m]oseyed out the [b]ar ([h]e’d [h]eard a[b]out some new “[Q]ueen’s [B]lood” [th]ing [th]at was [b]eing introdu[c]ed to [S]e[c]tor [S]even that he wan[t]ed [t]o [t]ry anyway). [T]i[f]a [t]oo[k] the op[p]or[t]unity to as[k] [C][l][ou]d i[f] [h]e’d [h]ad a[n]y e[n][c][ou]nters with - you kn[o]w? - th[o]se [r]uth[l]es[s] ap[p]a[r]itions that [s]e[e]med to b[e] [h]aunting [h]im in[t]er[m]ittently [s]in[c]e re[t]urning [t]o [M]idg[a]r? [W]ell, Cloud [w]as after [a]ll [a] re[m][a]de [m]an - in [m]ore [w][a]ys than [o]ne, but no? [W]hy? Who el[s]e a[r]ound the [s][l]ums had [s][e]en them r[e][c]entl[y]? It [w]as [w]eird to [C][l]oud, a [l]ittle [c]urious, he n[o]ted [t]o [T]ifa, m[o][s]t[l]y be[c]ause it [s][e]emed [l]i[k]e [s]ometimes (a) h[e]’d s[e]e them, yet [s]ometimes (b) [n]o, he wouldn’t [n]e[c]e[s]saril[y] [s]e[e] them [b]ut in[t]uit them, [b]ut [th]en o[th]er [t][i]mes - l[i]ke the o[th]er day - (c) the a[p]pa[r]itions [w]ould be [e]ve[r]y[w]here for [e]ve[r]y[o]ne to [s][e]e, and h[e]’d whi[p] out his f[u][c]king B[u][s]ter [S]word with [T]i[f]a b[y] his [s][i]de. [T]i[f]a a[s]ked him to ext[r][a][p]olate on the [t][r]iad of a-b-[c], if he [c]ould. Sh[e] [c][l]ear[l][y] wan[t]ed [t]o as[s]i[s]t [C][l]oud in reaching the b[o]ttom [o]f [a]ll [o]f thi[s], [s]o to [s]pea[k]. [W]ell, to [C][l]oud, it [w]as almost [l]i[k]e the E[l]eatics were [c]orre[c]t [a][l]l [a][l]ong - [th]at [th]is [t]ype of phe[n]ome[n]a - where some[t]imes (a) h[e]’d [s][ee] them and sh[e] wouldn’t, [s]ometimes ([b]) he wouldn’t [e]ven [s][e]e them [b]ut h[e]’d f[e]el them, and [th]en o[th]er times (c) [th]ey’d a[pp]ear to the [p]u[b][l]i[c] at [l]arge, well, phe[n]ome[n]a [l]i[k]e that [b]a[s]i[c]a[l]ly un[d]ermined the [e]nt[i]re [i][d]ea of [e]m[p]iri[c]ism v[i]a [s]en[s]e [p]er[c]e[p]tion, no? If [s]en[s]e [p]er[c]e[p]tion was [s]ome[th]ing [th]at [th]ey [c]ould [r]e[l]iably em[p][l]oy as a fir[s]t [p][r]in[c]i[p]le to g[a][th]er d[a]ta [a]nd [th]en a[r]rive at [c]on[c][l]usions [r]egarding the n[a]ture of the [c]or[p]o[r]eal [w]orld - then shit [l]i[k]e [w]hat [C][l]oud ju[s]t [d]e[s]c[r]ibed [c]oul[d]n’t [b]e [p]o[s]si[b]le, [r]ight? [C][l]oud a[s]ked how [c]ould it [p]os[s]i[b][l][y]?! There had to [b][e] a [s]e[p]a[r]ate [f]ir[s]t [p][r]in[c]i[p]le they’d n[e]ed to [r]e[f]e[r]en[c]e. Al[s]o, he’d [s]witch to [F]er[n]et i[f] that was okay with Ti[f]a? [B]ut the p[r]o[b]lem with this [n][o]tion - [b][o]th h[e] and T[i][f]a ag[r][e]ed (Ti[f]a [r]e[l]uctant[l][y] ag[r][e]ed) - was [th]at (a) [th]ere was no evi[d]en[c]e that he [s]aw [th]em when o[th]ers [d]i[d]n’t, and (b) there was no e[v]i[d]en[c]e e[v]en to him[s][e]lf that he [f][e]lt th[e]m wh[e]n he [d]i[d]n’t [s]ee them. [C]loud [c]ould [s]ee [th]em and h[e]’d b[e] sure [th]at h[e] saw [th]em [e]ven i[f] T[i][f]a [d]i[d]n’t - [h]e’d [h]ave an em[p]i[r]i[c]al [d]ata [p]oint that he just [c]oul[d]n’t [p][r]ove! - [b]ut when [C][l]oud [s]im[p][l]y [f][e]lt him[s][e]l[f] to [b]e in [c]ommunion with [s]omething [f]o[r]mle[s]s and in[c]o[r][p]o[r]eal, then [e]ven h[e] [c]ouldn’t [b][e] sure, [f]rom [a]n [e]m[p]i[r]i[c]al [s]tand[p]oint, [w]hat it [w]as he ex[p]e[r]ien[c]ed, [b]e[c]ause his [e]x[p]e[r]ien[c]e [l]a[c]ked a [f]orm [e]ntire[l]y - [h]e [d]i[d]n’t [h]ave a [s]en[s]e-b[a][s]ed em[p]i[r]i[c]al d[a]ta [p]oint to even [p][r]ove to him[s]el[f] that he ex[p]e[r]ien[c]ed anything! Ti[f]a [p]oured the [F]ernet and [s]aid [s]omething ab[ou]t wanting to be[l]ieve C[l]oud. [A]t th[a]t [p]oint [C][l]oud [s]aid, hear[k]ening [b]a[c]k to the [p]oint that [p]r[e]v[i]ou[s][l]y [c]aused [B]ar[r]et to [s]t[o]m[p] [ou]t [o]f the [b]ar, [w]hat [w]as [m]e[m]o[r]y any[w]ay? - [i][f] not th[i][s] ty[p]e of [c]o[m]munion with a [f]orm[l]e[s]s and in[c]o[r][p]o[r]eal ex[p]e[r]ien[c]e [l]ike these [r]uth[l]e[s]s [a]p[p]a[r]itions? [A][f]ter all, he [r]e[m]em[b]ered a [b][oa]tl[oa]d of sh[i]t that [d][i][d]n’t ne[c]e[s]sa[r]il[y] have i[m]ages [a]tt[a]ched! [A] [l]ot of his [m]e[m]o[r][ie]s were in [f][a][c]t [f]orm[l]ess [f]ee[l]ings, but then - [l]i[k]e some of [C][l][ou]d’s other en[c][ou]nters - [d]id in[d]eed [c]ontain i[m]ages, but they [f]eatured i[m]ages that on[l]y a[p]peared to [C][l]oud, just [l]i[k]e Ti[f]a’s i[m]age-[m]e[m]ories [o]nly a[p]peared to her! S[o] [C]loud was of [th]e [a][c]ute [o][p]inion [th]at [m]e[m]ories [th]em[s]elves were to [s]ome extent [l]ike [th]ese [r]uth[l]es[s] a[p]pa[r]itions he’d been ex[p]e[r]ien[c]ing? - yet Tifa [q]ui[c]k[l]y [c]o[r]re[c]ted him, a[p]tly [p]ointing [ou]t that [C][l][ou]d’s [m]e[m]ories, to the be[s]t of her k[n]ow[l]edge, had [n]ever [s]warmed [a]round [S][e]v[e]nth H[e]av[e]n and [a]ttacked i[n]no[c]ent [c][i]v[i]lians? [H]e [h][a]d to gr[a]nt th[a]t [a]s [t]rue! - “but you know what I m[ea]n, [T][i]fa.” Sh[e] did. C[l]oud’s [m]e[m]o[r]ies were [s]i[m]i[l]ar [t]o those [r]uth[l]e[s]s a[p]pa[r][i]t[i]ons [i]n [t]erms of (a) and ([b]), [b]ut not in [t]erms of (c). [C]loud [c]on[t]inued on to [s]ay, [s][i][p]p[i]ng a [f][r]esh [F]ernet, [th]at [th]e [p]oint [m]o[r]e o[r] les[s] [r]e[m]ained, that [w]hile sure [m]e[m]o[r]ies [w]ere [d]i[s]tinct, these a[p]pa[r]itions - these un[i][d]enti[f][i]ed [f]l[y]ing a[p]pa[r]itions, they [f]un[d]a[m]ental[l][y] un[d]er[m]ined the uti[l]it[y] of our [s]en[s]e-[p]er[c]e[p]tion, [w]hich [w]as [s]omething, to [C][l]oud’s or[i]g[i]nal [p]oint, [th]at [th]e [E][l]eati[c]s real[l]y [e]m[ph]asized. Ti[f]a a[c]k[n]ow[l]edged [C][l]oud’s point about [m]e[m]o[r]y - she [d]i[d]n’t [n]e[c]e[s]sa[r]il[y] [d]i[s]ag[r][e]e w[i]th [i]t ju[s]t [b]e[c]ause [m]e[m]o[r]ies, to the [b]e[s]t of their k[n]ow[l]edge, [n]ever [ph][y]s[i][c]al[l]y mani[f][e][s]ted them[s][e]lves in [c]o[r][p]o[r]eal [f]orms, that it [s]tru[c]k [T]i[f]a as [b]a[s]i[c]al[l]y [t][r]ue that [m]e[m]o[r]y was a [s]i[m]i[l]ar [t]y[p]e of ex[p]e[r]ien[c]e, [s]ome[th]ing [th]at [th]ey in[t]era[c]ted with [s]ome[t][i]mes v[i]a [a]n [i]mage that wasn’t [s]en[s]ible to [a]nyone [e]l[s]e, and [s]omet[i]mes [v][i][a] [a] [v]ague feeling [th]at [th]ey [c]ouldn’t even [c]or[r]obo[r]ate them[s]elves! - [e]ven [m]e[m]or[y] to [s]ome e[x]tent [c]omp[l][e]te[l][y] un[d]erm[i]ned [th]e [i][d]ea [th]at our [s]en[s]o[r][y] f[a][c]ulties were [r]elia[b]le instruments t[o] [u]se t[o] [c]ome to [a][c]cu[r]ate [c]on[c]l[u]sions a[b]out [w]hat [w]e [p]erc[e]ive to b[e] the [c]o[r][p]o[r]eal [w]orld.

VI: 1247:1707 .731

[C][l]oud k[n]ew that of [c]our[s]e Ae[r]ith was [s]u[f]fe[r]ing [f][r]om this g[n]awing [i]n[k][l][i]ng that, you k[n]ow, [C][l]oud m[ay] have [g]one and [g]iven aw[ay] the [f][l]ower - or [p]erh[a][p]s th[a]t was a [t]ad [t]oo st[r]ong a [ph][r][a]se - m[ay][b]e [p]assed [a][l]ong was [a] [b]etter w[ay] to [p]ut it, that’s what C[l]oud [p]ostu[l]ated at [l]east - [b]ut i[n] a[n]y [c]ase he k[n]ew [th]at Ae[r]ith k[n]ew [th]at he [f]or[w]arded the [f][l]o[w]er, [r]ight? But how did she [c]ome to [p]osse[s]s that k[n]ow[l]edge exa[c]t[l]y? - [c]ould it have [p]o[s]si[b][l]y [b]een via the under [c][i]ty [w]h[i][s][p]er [n]et[w]or[k]? Or [d]id Ae[r]ith [c]ome to [r]ea[l]ize [C][l]oud g[a]ve the shit aw[ay] via [s]ome [s]ort of [d][i]vine [i]ntu[i]t[i]on? Ba[s]i[c]a[l]ly, [C][l]oud was a[t]tem[p]ting [t]o [a][s]cer[t]ain the [s][our][c]e [or][i]g[i]n of [A]e[r]ith’s know[l]edge - was it o[p]i[n]ion or i[n]tu[i]t[i]on - [w]hereas Aerith [w]as ch[ie][f][l][y] [c]on[c]erned with [th]e im[p][l]i[c]ations of [th]e know[l]edge it[s]el[f]. She a[c]tua[l]ly made it [q]uite [c][l]ear that [sh]e wasn’t [s]ure if [C][l]oud’s [p][r]eva[r]i[c]ations were [r]ea[l]ly the [p]oint she was a[tt]em[p]ting [t]o ma[k]e when she b[r]ought the whole [f][l]ower [r]e-gi[f]ting u[p] to [C][l]oud - [th]at [th]e issue [a]t h[a]nd wasn’t, [p]erha[p]s, how she ob[t]ained thi[s] [p]ar[t]i[c]u[l]ar k[n]ow[l]edge, but in[s]t[ea]d wh[e]ther or [n]ot [C][l]oud g[a]ve the [f][l]o[w]er a[w][ay], [w]hich to [b]e [f]air she [w]asn’t, [l]i[k]e, o[f]fended [b]y - Ae[r]ith was just a [l]ittle [c]u[r]ious? Who’d [C][l]oud “[f]or[w]ard” it [t]o any[w]ay? [T]i[f]a, [r]ight? Of [c]ourse it [w]as [T]i[f]a - [w]hich [w]as [t]otal[l][y] [f]ine! They [w]ere a[c]tua[l]l[y] [f]riends! [B]ut [C][l]oud, i[f] [p]os[s]ible, wan[t]ed [t]o [s]tay on this [p][r]ior [p]oint - this e[p]i[s]temo[l]ogi[c]al [p]oint - [b]e[c]ause he [th]ought [th]ere was a [p][r]etty im[p]ortant d[i]s[t][i]n[c]tion [t]o [b]e [f]ound there, [b]etween knowing [s]omething via o[p]inion - [b]e[c]ause, [f]or [i]n[s]t[a]n[c]e, [s]ome [S]e[c]tor [S][i]x d[i][p]sh[i]t was ya[p]ping his f[u][c]king g[u]ms in the [s]l[u]m - or [b]y [c]ontr[a]st [b]e[c]oming [f]a[m]iliar in a [m]ore [p]ure [f][a]shion. [Th]ere was [p]ure knowledge of [th]ings - and [th]en [th]ere was [b]ull[sh]it you h[ear]d th[ir]d hand from dou[ch]e[b]ags in the [S]e[c]tor [S]ix [S][l]ums. [C][l]oud [f]elt [l]i[k]e Ae[r]ith p[r]o[b]a[b][l]y knew via [th]e [f]ormer me[th]od - [c]ould she [c]on[f]irm though? Instead Ae[r]ith ch[o]se to [p][o]sit the [r]adi[c]al n[o]tion that may[b]e it [c]ould have [b]een [b][o]th? Sure, [C]loud [th]ought [th]at was [p][o]ssi[b]le (he guessed . . .) - [b]ut he [d]i[d]n’t [th]in[k] [s]o - it was [p]o[s]si[b]le yet not [p]ro[b]a[b]le - in [f]a[c]t, [C][l]oud [f]elt [l]i[k]e he k[n]ew that Aerith k[n]ew, [n]o, [n]ot via [s]ome [w]hi[s][p]er [n]et[w]ork, [n]o, [n]ot [b]y o[p]inion at all, [b]ut i[n][s]t[ea]d [b]y dir[e]ct i[n]tuition. And it just [s]o h[a]p[p]ened th[a]t it was [b]y his own [i]ntu[i]t[i]ve [c]a[p]a[b][i][l][i]ties th[a]t [C][l]oud k[n]ew [th]at Ae[r]ith k[n]ew [th]at he g[a]ve [th]at [v]e[r]y [f]u[c]king [f][l]ower [a]w[ay] [v]i[a] her own intu[i]t[i]on, [n]ot by a[n]y [l]u[r]id [r]u[m]or [m]onger [f][r]o[l]i[c]king shame[l]e[s]s[l]y in the [s][l]ums. Were there any [r]u[m]or [m]ongers [f][r]o[l]i[c]king sh[a]me[l]e[s]s[l]y in the [s][l]ums though? [S][p][r]ea[d]ing [d]i[s]in[f]or[m][a]tion [a]b[ou]t [C]l[ou]d [g]iving [a]w[ay] [f][l][ow]ers to a [p][l]etho[r]a of wo[m]en [i]n [M][i]d[g]ar! [N]o, that [w]asn’t the [w]ay [A]erith [h][a]d [a][c]ce[s]sed [h]er k[n]owledge - [n]ot at all. [A][n]yw[ay], [A]erith [th]ought [ma]ybe [C]loud should [c]on[s]ider [th]in[k]ing t[w]i[c]e be[f]ore [g]iving [a][w]ay [f]lo[w]ers [a][g]ain. That [w]as [a]ll. [N]ot that she was [p]ar[t]i[c]u[l]ar[l]y [p]e[r][t]u[r]bed. [N]ot in the [l][e]ast a[c]tua[l]l[y]! [B]ut may[b][e] [C][l]oud [c]ould just - hy[p]otheti[c]a[l]l[y] - if a [g]irl [l]i[k]e h[er] w[er]e to [g][i]ve h[i]m a [b]eauti[f]ul ye[l]low [f][l]ower in the [m][i]ddle of [M][i]dgar, [m]ay[b]e [h]e should [h]old onto [th]e [th]ing! Or at the ver[y] l[ea]st don’t [g]o and [g]ive it to some other [f]u[c]king chi[ck]! Was it real[l][y] that d[i][f]f[i][c]ult to just [c]ontinual[l][y] [k]ee[p] a [s]ingle [f][l]ower on your [p]er[s]on? [N]ot that it was [A]erith’s [b]usiness [a][n]y[w]ay, [b]e[c]ause [c][l]ear[l]y [i][f] [C][l]oud [w]an[t]ed [t]o g[i][f]t the [f][l]ower [t]o [T]ifa - sure that was [f]ine, it was totally his [o]pt[io]n if that’s [h]ow [h]e w[a]n[t][e]d [t]o go a[b][ou]t it, [b]ut [d][i][d]n’t C[l][ou]d th[i]nk [i]t was just a [l][i]ttle rude? [N][o], in[s]tead he [th]ought [th]at [th]ere was a [n][o]ta[b]le [d]i[s]tinction [b]e[t]ween the [t]wo [t]ypes of k[n]owledge - [b]ut if Ae[r]ith [d]id [s]o [h]appen to [h]ear [i]t [i]n the [s]t[r][ee]t, then [w]ould sh[e] b[e] [w]illing [t]o [t]ell C[l]oud who was f[l]a[p]ping their [l]i[p]s? [W]as any[o]ne out in the [s][l]ums [s][p]e[c]ifi[c]a[l]ly [l]oo[k]ing to [r]at his [s][p]i[k]y a[s]s out? I[n] a[n]y [c]a[s]e, [r]egard[l]e[s]s of all that, [C][l]oud [t]ota[l]ly under[s][t]ood wh[er]e A[er]ith was [c]oming [f]rom, and [h]e gue[s]sed [h]e ju[s]t wasn’t [r][e]ally th[i]n[k][i]ng at the [t]ime, when h[e] [r][e]-g[i][f]t[e]d the [f][l]ower - [T]ifa [t]oo[k] n[o]te of the [f][l]ower, and he [d]i[d]n’t wan[t] [t]o go in[t]o the wh[o]le fl[o]wer girl a[n]ecd[o]te, s[o] he figured it m[i]ght be [k][i]nd of [n][i]ce to, you k[n]ow, [p]ass a[l]ong the [l]ove? Ae[r]ith [r]e[p]eated the [ph]r[a]se [p]ass a[l]ong the [l]ove in [a] w[ay] that, [q]uite [a]m[a]zing[l][y], wasn’t [c]om[p][l][e]te[l][y] [f][i]lled to the br[i]m with [c]ons[t]ern[a]tion and [c]on[t]em[p]t. [T]o [C][l]oud there was something ine[f]fa[b][l]y [t][r]ue a[b]out [c]ontemp[l][a]ting the [f]em[a]le [f]orm, [i]n [i]ts [b][l]unt [ph][y]s[i][c]al [i]te[r][a]tion - there was no [l]u[r]id o[p]inion [p][r]esent w[i]th[i]n [i]t, although C[l]oud [d]i[d]n’t e[x][p][l][i][c][i]t[l]y e[x][p]re[s]s thi[s] [i][d]ea to [A]e[r]ith [a]t the t[i]me, given her [r]eti[c]en[c]e to e[n]gage i[n] the op[i]n[i]on [v]er[s]us [i][n][t]u[i]t[i]on di[c]hotomy he [s]tarted the [c]onver[s]ation with - yet he was [s]till [o]bviou[s][l]y [c][o]n[t]em[p][l]ating her [f][or]m [a]s this b[a][c]k [a]nd [f][or]th o[c]curred. Her [t][y][p][i][c]al [ph][i][l]o[s]o[ph][i][c]al d[i][s][p]os[i]t[i]on when it [c]ame to [l]ove triangles [w]as [w]aning just [s][l]ight[l]y - this [l]ittle [f][l]ower [i]n[c][i]dent [s]eemed to [a]l[m][o]st [r]ile her up e[m][o]tionally, [a]lthough it was [c][l]ear to [C][l]oud when she [r]e[p]eated the [ph][r]ase [p]ass a[l]ong the [l]ove that she wasn’t ent[i]rely r[i]led u[p]. Not yet at [l]east. Aerith [f]ina[l]ly [c]on[f]irmed [f]or [C][l]oud that, yes, it was v[i]a [p]ure [i]ntu[i]t[i]on she’d [s]urm[i]sed her f[l]ower no [l]onger [r]es[i]ded on his [p][er][s]on, and [s]ure [sh]e ag[r]eed [th]at [th]ere was a [c][e]rtain di[s]tin[c]tion be[t]ween the [t]wo [t]ypes of kn[ow][l]edge. [C][l][ou]d then [a][s]ked [A]erith [w]hat she [th][ou]ght [w]as [th]e [c][au]se of each [t]y[p]e - well, [o]bvious[l]y [o][p]inion [c]on[s][i]sted of [l][i]teral [w]h[i][s][p]er [n]et[w]orks, she [s]aid, from what [p]eo[p]le [s]aw [a]nd heard [a]nd [a]ll that. This [a][l]l[ow]ed [C][l]oud to note that wasn’t eve[r]ything Shin[r]a [w]as [w]or[k]ing on - e[s][p]ecial[l][y] H[o]j[o] - was that [n]ot [b]a[s]i[c]al[l][y] a[n]other [w]hi[s][p]er [n]et[w]ork, that H[o]j[o], de[s][p]ite [b]eing a [s][o]-[c]alled [s]cientist, [w]as [s]im[p]ly [w]or[k]ing [o]ff [o]f [w]hat [h]e and [h]is a[s]so[c]iates heard and [s]aw? Ae[r]ith was [t]em[p][t]ed [t]o [s][ay] H[o]j[o]’s o[p]e[r][a]tion was a [m]ore [s]yste[m][a]tic version of th[a]t, yes, [b]ut in[s]tead a[b]r[u][p]tly [c][u]t her[s]el[f] o[f]f, [b]e[c]ause when she [c]on[s]i[d]ered it [f]urther she [c]on[c][l]u[d]ed the un[d]er [c][i]t[y] [w]h[i][s][p]er net[w][or][k]s [w][er]e a[c]tual[l]y [q]uite [c]om[p][l]ex them[s]elves! [S]o in[s]tead she a[c]cused [C][l]oud of changing the [s]ubj[e]ct, th[e]n she noted th[a]t, [a][c]tua[l]ly, [sh]e wan[t]ed [t]o [sh]ift t[o]pi[c]s, but [n][o]t to the [s]o-[c]alled [w]hisper [n]et[w]or[k]s of H[o]j[o] versus the [w]ell-k[n]own [w]h[i][s]per [n]et[w]or[k]s of the [S]e[c]tor [S][i]x [S][l]ums, [n]o! [N]o, [C][l][ou]d under[s]tood. [E]ven [h]e [d]i[d]n’t [e]ven r[ea]lly want [t]o [t]al[k] ab[ou]t H[o]j[o]! Maybe he was obfus[c]ating. C[l]oud a[p]o[l]ogized, but Ae[r]ith [s]aid it wasn’t [n]e[c]e[s]sa[r]y, there was [n]o [s]o[r]ry [n][ee]ded [r][ea][l]l[y] - they [p]ro[b]a[b][l][y] shouldn’t [b][ea]t a [d]ead [h]orse, [s]o to [s][p][ea]k. [B][u]t, [u]gh - what a [h]o[r]ren[d]ous [t]urn of ph[r]ase. No, [C][l]oud ag[r][ee]d - it was a [t]e[r]ri[b]le [s][ay]ing, a [s][c]um[b]ag [s][ay]ing, [r][ea][l]ly - H[o]j[o] p[r]o[b]a[b][l]y would [d]o it though, [b]eat a [d]ead horse? - a[n]d the[n] [f]u[c]king, [l]i[k]e, [i]nje[c]t [i]t w[i]th [m]a[k][o] or [s]ome shit, [m]a[k]e it a [m]utant [s]teed! G[r][o][s]s! [F]u[c]king loser!

VII: 1227: 1738 .706

[C][l]oud just [a]t th[a]t [m]o[m]ent had begun to [r]e[c]apitu[l]ate, [th]is [t]ime [t]o [th]e [t]wo of [th]em - [A]e[r]ith [a]nd [T]ifa - how it wasn’t a[c]tually the [c]ase that h[e]’d s[ee]n the [b][e]ing, no, there wasn’t i[n] [f][a][c]t a[n] [a][c]tual [ph][y]s[i][c]al [b]eing i[n] that se[n]se of the [ph]rase - it wasn’t [l]i[k]e the me[n] i[n] the [b][l]a[c]k [c][l]oa[k]s they’d [b]e [f]o[ll]owing in Re[b]]irth (were ei[th]er of [th]em [f]amiliar with [th]at [p][l]ot[l]ine yet?). He’d just [b]egan to ex[p][l]ain [th]is to [th]e [b]oth of [th]em, and [C][l]oud [d]i[d]n’t [f]eel a[n]y [d]i[f]fe[r]ent a[b]out it [n]e[c]e[[s]sa[r]i[l]y - the [f][a][c]t t[h]at he was [t]elling [th]e [b]oth of [th]em - [T]i[f]a was [b]e[h]ind the [b]ar [a]nd [A]erith just [h]appened to [b]e there. It was [f]ine. [W]ere they [f]amiliar [w]ith [R]e[b]irth yet? [P][r]o[b]a[b][l]y [n]ot, [r]ight? [B]ut [n][o], in thi[s] [c]a[s]e [C][l]oud had [b]een fu[c]king, you k[n][o]w, just [s]itting on this [c]ar[p]et in Wu[t][ai] at the [t][i]me - he [s]at on the [c]ar[p]et [c]ros[s]-[l]egged - and then he [s]u[d]den[l][y] in[t]uited a [p]ure[l][y] [d]ivi[n]e b[e]ing [e]man[a]ting in the [t]riangle head [e]nca[p][s]u[l][a]ted in the [p]erfe[c]t[l][y] [s][q]uare [d]es[i]gn that [r]e[p][e]ated [e]nd[l]e[s]s[l]y th[r]oughout the [e]n[t][i]re [c]ar[p]et. This [t][r][i]angle head [w]as [w]hat [C][l]oud [c]ould on[l]y des[c]ribe [a]s [a] “[l][a]ughing [A][l]lah”. That’s how it [s]tru[c]k him. There wasn’t [r]ea[l]ly [a] [q]uestion [a]bout [i]t [i]n [C][l]oud’s mind and it was a[c]tua[l]ly beauti[f]ul. Yes, [a] “[l]au[gh]ing [A][l]lah” [w]as the on[l]y [w]ay he [c]ould [d]e[s][c][r]ibe the [d]ivine being, which [c]ertain[l]y [c]ommuni[c]ated with him [a]s he [s][a]t [c][r]os[s]-[l]egged in [W]utai in a [s]ome[w]hat [m]y[s]ti[c]al [m]a[n]ner, al[b]eit not [q]uite ver[b]all[y], [b]ut the [b][e]ing [c]ertain[l][y] [c]o[m]mu[n]i[c][a]ted in a w[ay] that [c]aused [C][l]oud to [s][m]ile. [C][l]oud, s[m]ile?! The [t]wo wo[m]en [f]ound that [t]otal[l]y hi[l]arious! [T]i[f]a n[ea]r[l]y [f]u[c]ked u[p] the b[ee]r sh[e] was [p]ou[r]ing she was [s]o [s]ur[p][r]ised to h[ea]r [C][l]oud of [a]ll [p]eo[p]le [t][a]l[k]ing [a][b]out him[s]el[f] [s]mi[l]ing. [B]ut [n][ei]ther [T][i][f]a [n]or [A]erith [f]ound this [a][n]e[c][d]ote of [C]loud’s to [b]e [d]i[s]i[n]genuous i[n] a[n]y way - i[n] [f]a[c]t they [b]oth [f]u[l]ly [s]uppo[r]ted [C][l]oud’s [c]on[f]essions and mo[r]e o[f]ten than not [e]ven [f]ound them [l]egitimate[l][y] intr[i]guing ([b]ut there were, of [c]our[s]e, [s]ome ex[c]eptions!), al[b]eit they gene[r]al[l]y [f]ound the ane[c]dotes i[n]t[r]iguing [i]n a [o]ne-on-[o]ne [s]etting, as [o][p]posed to thi[s] [F][F]M [a]rrangement. [B]ut that was c[l]ear[l]y [f]ine! It just [s][o] h[a][p]pened [A]e[r]ith was a[r]ound and she [p]o[p]ped in the [b][a]r. N[o] [b]ig deal at [a]ll! Yet, [w]hile [c]ontem[p][l]ating [w]hether or [n]ot a[n]other [M]os[c]ow [M]ule was ad[v]isable or [n]ot, [C]loud ex[p][r]e[s]sed [q]uite [v]igo[r]ou[s]ly that he wan[t]ed [t]o [r]e[l][ay] a [s]ub[s]e[q]uent ane[c]d[o]te that he [v]iewed a[p]r[o][p][o]s of the [c]ar[p]et en[c]ounter, if that was o[k][ay]? Of [c]ourse! Well, [s][p]ec[i]f[i][c]al[l]y it [w]as that [w]hen he [p]o[pp]ed in[t]o his [l][o][c]al [c][o]-[o][p] g[r][o][c]e[r]y [s][t]ore that [m]or[n]ing, [f]or just a [f]ew [m][i][n]or [i]tems, a [c]ou[p]le h[a]nd [f][r]uits [r]eally, [a]nd the new [c][a]shier [a]sked him - [r]ight as [h]e sh[i][f]ted [h][i]s [h]ead[ph]ones [u]p o[f]f [o]f his ears to [s][t]art the [f]ormalized [s]ales [t][r]ans[a][c]tion - [i][f] h[i]s b[r]other “or [s]omething” went there [s]ome[t]imes? - [t]o the g[r]o[c]e[r]y [s]to[r]e? Did [C][l]oud have a [b][r]other [b]y a[n]y chance? [B]e[c]ause she, the [n]ew [c]ashier, felt [l]i[k]e sh[e]’d s[e]en him [b]efo[r]e? Well, [C]loud [s]aid to the [c]ashier, thin[k]ing a[b]out it [f]or a [s]e[c]ond he [f]ound it [q]uite [p]o[s]si[b]le [th]at [th]is a[l]leged do[p]pelganger was a[c]tual[l]y [f]u[c]king just him! - [C][l]oud him[s]el[f]! - [th]at the [c][a]shier was in [th]at [p]arti[c]u[l]ar in[s]tan[c]e [c]on[f]using [C][l]oud for his a[c]tual [s]el[f], [th]at [th]is [c]ashier on[l][y] bel[ie]ved sh[e]’d [s][ee]n [s][o]me[o]ne who [l]oo[k]ed just [l]i[k]e [C][l]oud [b]efore [b]e[c]ause sh[e]’d, in [f]a[c]t, s[ee]n [C][l]oud [b]e[f]ore. He [w]alked a[w]ay just [m]o[m]en[t]a[r]ily, he [t]old [T]ifa [a]nd [A]e[r]ith, just [t]o [t]o[s]s his [b][a][s][k]et [b][a][c]k in[t]o the [s]t[a][c]k of [b][a][s][k]ets [b]ehind the auto[m][a]ti[c] d[oor]s. Yeah, he’d [t]a[k]e one [m][or]e [M]ule, pl[e]ase [T][i]fa? The new [c]ashier was [c]hu[c]k[l]ing when [C][l]oud a[r]rived b[a][c]k [a]t the [c]he[c]kout [c]ounter [r]eady to [p]ay for his [sh]it - [sh]e was in the [p][r]ocess of ente[r]ing the item num[b]er for his [r]ed [q]uinoa, [c]hu[c]k[l]ing a[l]one - “it [c]ould’ve [b]een you” she [r]e[p]eated, chuc[k][l]ing, [b]ut then, [C][l]oud [r]e[l]ayed [t]o [T]ifa and Ae[r]ith, she a[c]tua[l]ly [c]ame a[r][ou]nd to [C][l][ou]d’s [p]arti[c]u[l]ar hy[p]othesis. The new [c][a]shier, [a]fter thin[k]ing [a]bout it, [c]ame to [a]gree with [C][l]oud, th[a]t she [a][c]tua[l]l[y] p[r]o[b]a[b][l][y] had [s]een him in the g[r][o][c]e[r][y] [s]t[or]e [b]ef[or]e, and that she’d just [n]ow er[r][o][n]eously [f]igured [h]e [h]ad a [b]rother, when in [f][a][c]t this hypo[th]eti[c]al [b][r]o[th]er was [a][c]tual[l]y just [C][l]oud himsel[f]. [T]i[f]a [c]on[s]i[d]ered, [a][f]ter she’d inge[s][t]ed the [f]ull [a]ne[c][d]ote and [s]erved [C][l]oud his [r]e[f][r]eshed [M]o[s][c]ow [M]ule, that it was [s]omewhat [l]i[k]e[l]y [th]at [th]e [c]ashier wan[t]ed [t]o [q]u[o]te-un[q]u[o]te [s]u[c]k his [c]o[c]k, and [C][l]oud [d]i[d]n’t [n]e[c]e[s]sa[r]i[l][y] [d]i[s]ag[r][e]e with the [n]otion! - he [c]ertain[l][y] [c]on[s]idered it [p]o[s]si[b]le, [th]at [th]is [c]ashier [m]ay have [b]een a[m]ena[b]le to some[th]ing l[i][k]e [th]at, but [th]at wasn’t [q]u[i]te the [p]oint! There [w]as a t[y][p]e of [w]isdom [l][a]tent in the exch[a]nge, [w]asn’t there? - regard[l]ess of [w]hether or not the [c]ashier [w]anted to per[f]orm [f]el[l]atio on [C][l]oud? Ae[r]ith, by [c]on[t][r]ast, [t]oo[k] a more [ph]ilo[s]o[ph]i[c]al [a]ngle to her [a]nal[y][s][i]s of the en[c]ounter, [b]e[c]ause sh[e] agr[e]ed with [C]loud [th][a]t [th]e [c][a]shier exh[i][b][i]ted a [c]ertain [s][p]i[r]itual in[s]ight, even [i][f] [i]t was in[a]dvertent. [A]erith, [f]or her [p]art, [d]i[d]n’t [p]ut much of a[n]y sto[c]k i[n][t]o the [c]ashier’s i[n][t]entions, whether or [n]ot they were [s]or[d]id, be[n]ign, or [s]im[p][l]y in[d]i[f]ferent. U[p]on [a][c]k[n]ow[l]edging this Ti[f]a [n]oted that she [r]e[c]og[n]ized [A]e[r]ith’s [p]oint of [v]iew as [v][a]lid, th[a]t it was [p][r]o[b]a[b][l][y] the “[r]ight way [t]o [t]ake [i]t [i]n,” [e]ven i[f] sh[e], [T][i][f]a, wasn’t [p]er[s]onal[l][y] at the [p]oint of [p]arti[c]i[p]ating in [q]uite that [l]evel of obje[c]t[i]v[i]ty (i[f] [th]ey [c]ould, in [f][a][c]t, [c]all it [th][a]t). [C]loud m[en]tioned [th][a]t, [a]t [th]e [en]d of the [d]ay, [h]e [c]oul[d]n’t [h]el[p] [i]t [i]f a [c][er]t[ai]n [p][er][s][o]n ex[p]erien[c]ed an [ur]ge to [s]u[ck] his [c][o][ck] - that [w]hether or [n]ot [s][o]me[o]ne [wa]n[t]ed [t]o [s]u[c]k any[o]ne’s k[n]ob [w]as [s]omething [u]l[t]imately [u]nk[n]owable, that [C][l]oud [c]ouldn’t [s]im[p][l][y] [t]os[s] [p]o[t]ential [s][p]iritual en[c]ounters to the way[s]ide [p]ure[l][y] be[c]ause of a [p]ur[p]orted [s]ordid [s]ub[t]ext or in[t]ention. Both [w]omen ag[r]eed [w][i]th th[i]s, yet [p]erh[a][p]s Ae[r][i]th just a [t][a]d more than [T]i[f]a? - not to [s]ay [T]i[f]a was [s]omehow [b]e[s]ide her[s]el[f] with jealou[s]y i[n] a[n]y ma[t]erial way - no, th[is] d[is][t]inction [b]e[t]w[ee]n [T][i]fa [a]nd [A]e[r]ith was p[r]o[b]a[b]ly [r]ooted more [s]o in Ae[r]ith’s [b]a[s]i[c]a[l]ly a[b][s][ur]d [a][b]i[l]it[y] to [r]e[m]ain [ph]ilo[s]o[ph]ically undet[er]red [a][b]out other [w]o[m]en [w]hile s[t][ee]ped i[n] a[n] obvious [l]ove [t]riangle. Did sh[e] [e]ven [l]i[k]e [C][l]oud, r[e]al[l][y]? [B]e[c]ause it was [r]ea[l]ly [q]uite [e]vident that [C][l]oud, [T]ifa, and Ae[r]ith were [c]o[l]le[c]tive[l]y [e][n][t]w[i]ned i[n] a sort of [l]ove [t][r]iangle, [b]ut Ae[r]ith, for her part, [m][ai]nt[ai]ned [q]uite the uni[q]ue [a][b]i[l]it[y] to [r]e[m][ai]n es[s]entia[l]l[y] [ph]i[l]o[s]o[ph]i[c]al [a][b]out it [a]ll - she [d]i[d]n’t [s][ee]m to [a][ll]ow f[ee][l]ings of jea[l]ou[s][y] to over[c]ome her in the [l][ea][s]t when [C][l]oud re[l]ayed ane[c]dotes a[b]out [c][a]shiers th[a]t, if [th]e [th]r[ee] [w]ere [b][e]ing h[on]est, [c][l][ea]r[l]y [w][an]ted to [w]hip the guy’s [c]o[ck] out and [s]u[ck] [on] it for an ex[t]e[n][d]ed i[n][t]erval of [t]ime. [D]id she [e]ven r[ea]l[l][y] [l]i[k]e [C][l]oud? H[i]s [i]n[d][i]v[i]dual f[ee][l]ings on the situ[a]tion were a [l][i]ttle am[b][i]guous, even when he was [a]ll [a][l]one. [C][l]oud was of [c]our[s]e in[c][a]pa[b]le of as[s]es[s]ing his own [f][ee]lings [f]or [s]omewhat obv[i]ous r[ea]sons.